Blind Man’s Bluff

Seeing-Eye Woman Leads the Blind through Perilous Times
by Morgan P Salvo
 Blindness is a strange movie. It’s like a diary of someone paralyzed by fear, a metaphor for socio-politico human tendencies, plus a vision of personal chaos and mass insanity. It also resembles 28 Days and all decent zombie flicks.
The premise of the movie is that select people (shown in specific incidences) are going blind, seeing white instead of darkness. A nice quote is, “I feel like I’m swimming in milk.” The disorder proves to be extremely contagious, and soon everyone’s swimming in milk, with the exception of Julianne Moore’s character who is inexplicably not stricken by the oddball plague. The first few people afflicted are put in stark isolation prisons, left to fend for themselves in their “wards”. Suffering neglect and brutality, they are literally out of sight and out of mind. The quarantine camps become very symbolic of how blindly we humans go into things.

It doesn’t matter that the reason everyone goes blind is never established or that the weird acceptance of being blind is radically subdued. What permeates the movie is the character study of the role of doctor’s wife (Julianne Moore), who pretends to go blind to help her afflicted doctor husband (Mark Ruffalo). Blindness focuses on her decisions to be helpful and sometimes incapacitated. As the only person in the camp who can see, she chooses martyrdom so many times it adds frustration to any empathy. It’s Moore’s characters’ duty to lead only when needed. It emphasizes the theory that when left to their own devices, humans rely on gut feelings and primal instincts.
Blindness is told in a kind of fairy tale meets Midnight Express form. In fact it’s so in “make believe land” that when Eye Patch (Danny Glover) tells the others in the ward of the saddening affect the blindness plague has on the whole world he gives it with a bedtime story inflection.
After some unrest among the blind in different wards the movie takes a Lord of the Flies turn wherein regime power rules. People will give up anything valuable, even their own flesh for copulation in order to survive. The greed of some and the wimpiness of others make it hard to feel sorry for anyone. Undercurrents of anarchy, socialism and democracy run through the blatant abuse handed out from and to the inmates. There are stabs at compassion but this seems a lesson in futility. Near the end, when the entire planet is infected, it resembles a contagion-gone-haywire zombie movie…my favorite part.
The actors reliably steer their way through the sometimes meandering path this movie takes. Ruffalo does his soft-spoken, understanding, wuss role here. Moore does her I-feel-the-world’s-pain role. Among the fill-the-gaps-character actor parts are Gael Garcia Bernal, Alice Braga and the indie great, Maury Chaykin. People are never called by names and the credits keep their anonymity to the end: Doctor, doctor’s wife, man with eye-patch, woman with dark glasses etc.
Director Meirelles who has two movies under his belt that I have seen, City of God and the Constant Gardener, proves again to have supreme artistic vision. The film has a European feel and like the unnamed characters, was shot in an anonymous city. The cinematography and the moving camera with washed out celluloid (resembling grainy black and white) adds an almost itchy feeling to an already creepy environment of quarantined victims living in ultra squalor. Meirelles is a genius for setting up dramatic tricks: It’s as though he adds life to scenes only to pluck it away right before your very eyes. An extremely nice touch is the white-out between scenes.
Blindness is ultimately a testament to the human spirit and the unnecessary evils of the world. As a straight forward story it has quite a few plot gaps and inconsistencies, but it’s a voyage of one compelling scene after another. Witnessing what these people go through will make you feel the grime and dirt, but thanks to a somewhat uplifting ending, you might feel somewhat cleansed by the time you leave the theater.

Blindness
Starring Julianne Moore, Mark Ruffalo, Gael Garcia Bernal, Danny Glover, Alice Braga
Director: Fernando Meirelles
 3 stars

The Worst of the Worst---2009

2009’s Top 10 Worst Movies
(Believe me there's more)
By Morgan P Salvo

10) Haunting in Connecticut- Even with multi-scare tactics, sufficient acting and barfing up ectoplasm this boring descent into the genre still proves my theory beyond any shadow of doubt that a flick with “haunting” in the title sucks

9) The Unborn- this one came close to being “so-bad-its-good” but lost that footing pronto. The filmmakers must have drugged Gary Oldman and propped him up. Let’s face it---there’s just no room for a Jewish version of the Exorcist unless the Coen Bros make it. While turning brown eyes to blue, this flick clocks in stillborn / DOA.

8) The Informers – Filled with horrendous dialogue and terrible plot lines, the wretched acting abounds from the likes of Billy Bob Thornton, Kim Basinger, Rhys Ifans, Winona Ryder and Mickey Rourke in this Brett Easton Ellis penned insidious 8O’s sex, drugs& rock n’ roll soap operatic cheese fest

7) The Orphan- The hilarious twist ending isn’t worthy of the intolerable time spent in your seat waiting for it. After wading through incessant trials and psychotic tribulations amidst non-stop whining and insulting script, not even the decent gore could save this one. Send this “only child” of a movie back to whence it came



6) Surrogates- Bruce Willis’ and Ving Rames’ five minute reunion since Pulp Fiction is all grimacing and squinting. Meanwhile sexy beautiful people walk the earth, robotic mannequins run amuck, and every scene defies believability. This wannabe Blade Runner with its flaccid political intrigue comes off like Law and Order: Special Surrogates Unit... Colorful and pathetic, there’s nothing worse than this kind of brainless bad sci-fi.

5) Fast and Furious- Remake disguised as hideous sequel is revved up with atrocious car chases and mumbling. Vin Diesel has no fashion sense and the audience should demand subtitles to understand his unintelligible garbling. Paul Walker doesn’t know where he is throughout and Jordana Brewster scores no points by impersonating a Barbie doll action figure. Low on octane and cleavage this one never reached the finish line.

4) Final Destination: Death Trip- The 3-D was unnecessary, the gore minimal, the unoriginal storyline immature and pedestrian, and the acting was not… ummm… good. The only decent destination was the theatre’s exit door

3) Jennifer’s Body- yeah sure Megan Fox is hot and teenage hormone movies with blood chewing demons sounds cool. But this was a perfect example of how a great idea can be ruined by smart-ass intentions. We don’t need someone proving how clever they think they are every five seconds. The acting was fine but this was by far the most despicable display of smug screenwriting ever.

2) Paranormal Activity- This box office mega-hit did not deserve the film/video it was shot on. The fact that this flick got any recognition whatsoever, let alone the praise it received, not to mention the money it raked in, makes my head spin. This was the most infuriating movie I’ve ever sat through. If possible I’d give negative stars to this annoying piece of crap.

1) Taken—this was at the top of my list in February. Not one film surpassed it. With its Bourne Identity-like previews, wimpy Hostel rip-offs and star power of Liam Neeson it still seems “taken” from the dregs of a Michael Dudikoff 80’s action flick. Ludicrous beyond belief, more irritating was the fact that it took itself seriously. Taken is just not just 2009-bad, this could be a contender for the worst top ten list of ALL time

Gear Heads Unite!

Sequel has Morphing Mechanical Robot Aliens Going turbo!

By
Morgan P Salvo
  

I can’t really recall any other huge budgeted movie based on action figures. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen again showcases the nuts and bolts of machines (mainly cars and airplanes) morphing themselves into humongous metallic beasts. What were once just toys for kids and flimsy animated cartoons have turned into big-boy-toys in the hands of multi-millionaires Michael Bay and Steven Spielberg. And with the funds to deliver high tech goods, they go all gear-head-turbo with this newest Transformers installment.
Beginning with a pseudo tribute of 2001: A Space Odyssey, our Transformers history lesson tells us that they have been on the planet since 17,000 BC. It quickly zooms ahead to a big convoluted fight scene between the Autobots, lead by Monster Truck Optimus Prime, against the evil Decepticons, in which either side can change into behemoth gear grinding monstrosities.
Fallen is basically the same plot as the original, only two years later. Sam (Shia LaBeouf) is leaving home for college after saving the human race from the invading Decepticons in the last episode. But as he starts his new life at school, maintaining a long distance relationship with his girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox), problems arise. He has troubling visions causing episodes of eye-rolling, mumbling and scribbling of alien hieroglyphics. This leads him once again to assist the Autobots in the war against the remaining Decepticons who have been hiding out on Earth. Together with a handful of people, including Mikaela and Robo-warrior Agent Simmons (John Turturro), they seize the opportunity to save the planet with the help of the military elite squad called NEST. They must uncover the secret history of the Transformers and thwart an ancient Decepticon named "The Fallen"(a metallic spiny alien beast) before the evil-doers can burn out the sun, thus destroying all humans and rule the galaxy… I guess. That part wasn’t too clear, but hey plots aside, it’s all about watching these demolition derby gargoyles battle it out. Interspersed amidst the action are wit, charm, and clever dialogue. The engaging characters (from the humans to the metallic) keep their demented problems on their sleeves. The straight forward acting maintains a theme of cracking wise. Lebeouf plays it up as an insane genius smart-ass hero/kid. Fox is all pouty lips in Daisy Dukes, wisecracking her way through the dialogue. Turturro supplies comic relief by being a goofy wise guy and Sam’s parents (Kevin Dunn/Julie White) are in a constant competition to outdo each other with their bickering banter. With the exception of a jokester twin car team, the Transformers are the only ones that take themselves seriously.
Unfortunately a lot of CGI work went into this, only to be blurred by spinning camera angles and director Michael Bay’s insistence on cutting scenes too quickly. He is clearly the master of over-long movies (Armageddon, The Rock) connecting multiple montages of short scenes. Obviously there’s a great deal of fun to be had here: really cool looking Transformers, huge thundering sounds, and grand scale explosions. But everything’s so busy that it’s difficult to discern what’s happening on the screen. When it gets all heavy near the end with a big shootout in Egypt resembling the Iraq war with colorful robots clamoring around, there’s just too much to look at, including a gratuitous King Kong tribute (an alien robot fights off a plane from the top of a pyramid.).

As debilitating, exhilarating or excruciating this may be, with huge unrestrained CGI technological showboating, Transformers still retains a feeling of playing with action figures. There’s only so much corny, sappy, heroic good vs. hovering evil, sacrifice, destiny, war, love, fake history, action and witty dialogue that can fit in a movie that strains your seating time of 2 1/2 hours. But watching the detail that goes into a morphed monster truck or incredible sand-eating, gear-grinding whirlpool machine is a sight to behold. Among the loads of soulless spectacle it seems Fallen’s heart is in the right place.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Starring Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, John Turturro
Director: Michael Bay
2 stars

Forever Young

You've Never Been Rocked Until You've Been Rocked by Senior Citizens
by
 Morgan P Salvo

I defy anyone to not like this movie. Young at Heart will run your emotions through the gamut of joy, sorrow, anticipation and hilarity with affirmations of life, death and yes, even sex…you get it all.

This documentary is about the “Young at Heart” senior citizens chorus whose average age is 80-something, conducted by a 53 year old taskmaster and music-genius named Bob Cilman. Focusing on the rehearsals for their “Alive and Well” tour, the film follows the development of three diverse new numbers: Sonic Youth’s “Schizophrenia”, James Brown’s “I Feel Good” and Allen Toussaint’s “Yes We Can-Can” The songs are chosen by Cilman, as the performers’ personal tastes range from classical to opera with only a vague knowledge of rock. After performing “Should I Stay or Should I Go”, 92 year old singer Eileen says, “I dunno, I think it’s the Crash?”
The songs prove challenging, and the practices often grueling but the devotion of these people is amazing. Through brilliant interviews, director Stephen Walker reveals the idiosyncrasies of a few wacky and touching characters: Steve, manifesting boyish exuberance, Stan, the goofy intellectual, Lenny, with eyesight good enough to still drive, Eileen, a British ex-stripper and dazzling charmer, Fred and Bob, who come out of retirement for a duet, and Joe, who can memorize any song in a day. Derived from sheer passion they all enthusiastically explain why they are in the chorus: It’s unanimous that it makes them feel young, gives them something to live for.
There are many hilarious moments, including a scene in which two guys try to negotiate the playing of a CD, the chorus trying to wrap their brains around Sonic Youth’s demented poetry and several side-splitting MTVish music videos, including “I Wanna be Sedated”, and “Staying Alive”. On the other side of the spectrum, in one extremely poignant scene the chorus plays at a jail, bringing cellmates to tears with Bob Dylan’s “Forever Young.”
Due to the age of the subjects, Young at Heart inevitably delivers a heart wrenching mortality check. Tragedy strikes in the form of the typical nemesis plaguing the aged: spinal meningitis, cancer, congestive heart failure, pneumonia, but the codgers put their ailments on the back burner because the show must go on. They all agree that when they perform, singing makes all the aches and pains go away.
Rehearsals lead up to a sold out show in Massachusetts, showcasing their zest for life. It’s a crap-shoot that they will do all the songs correctly, but regardless, they should blow the rafters off. There’s just enough tension that we root for them all the way. They don’t disappoint. There will be no dry eye in the house for their version of “Fix You”.
This exhilarating, nail biting, happy-sad movie belongs in a time capsule – better yet, I hope their endeavor will never die and continues as long as time itself.
I have never seen a more moving and compelling documentary that so exalts the triumph of spirit and the joyous moments of life. We’re not here forever. Consider this movie a huge wake-up call not to take anything for granted and to live life to the fullest. . Young at Heart‘s music might not always tame the savage beast but it could save your soul… see this movie--take everyone you know.

Young at Heart
Directed/narrated by: Stephen Walker
 4 stars

No Narcissism Here

Reflective Horror Story Shatters Itself to Pieces.
By
Morgan P Salvo


With a promising beginning scene and dazzling credits, Mirrors looked like it was going to deliver. I was actually smiling and nodding to myself that this is gonna be the horror flick I’d been waiting for. Nothing could be further from the truth. The movie kicks in and the crap begins to flow…it’s all about the slow moving plot and ridiculously non-scary stuff.
Ben Carson (Kiefer Sutherland) an alcoholic cop on leave of absence for the accidental killing of partner, living with his sister Angela (Amy Smart), separated from his wife Amy (Paula Patton) and kids, is somewhat unstable. To take his mind off his troubles he takes a job as a night watchman at the Mayflower department store, a gigantic burned out ornately columned building. The inside charred ruins manage to look pretty haunting with disfigured mannequins everywhere. There are a ton of mirrors and things get creepy, though the CGI is appallingly obvious. The history behind the store is textbook ghost story: a lot of innocent lives were lost in a fire. Maybe their spirits are trapped in the mirrors and want out.
The director (Alexandre Aja), who I HAD nothing but respect for, flounders badly here. His first two movies, Haute Tension and the re-dux of Hills Have Eyes were above par, showing extremely ground breaking vision, cool camera work, supreme editing and lots of mind-numbing gore. Mirrors seemed like it was going to take this path. Aja throws in R-rated risks, bloodletting like crazy, but then plays it safe reeling it in, like the stupid plot would hold its own. You’d think with gore, nudity and NYC you couldn’t go wrong. Instead Aja falls back on tired old horror movie conventions: slow moving flashlights, investigating dark corners, looking into mirrors over and over and quick jump scare tactics.
Then there’s Ben and Amy’s domestic squabbling. WAY too much emphasis is spent on their idiotic relationship, dredging up dull dialogue, making their interaction totally unbelievable. The acting throughout is atrocious. If I had a nickel for every time Sutherland goes “AHHH!” I could afford a gallon of gas. Smart’s role is shrunken by her absurd dialogue. My only hope was Patton as a coroner who’s constantly in cleavage exposing tops and slit-mini-skirts. But her poor delivery and appalling dialogue disappoints as well. I think she says “Michael” no less than 27 times in a minute—make that 2 gallons of gas.
What could’ve been a nice psychological thriller turns into an out-of-control mess blocking any intrigue. With a perfect set up for a possible psycho going nuts (ex-cop alcoholic prone to rage and temper tantrums), the plot easily could have fooled us into believing he was seeing things. But nope—they just spin the simplistic version of… that’s right, demons in the mirrors. A mini-investigation plot trails off into stretch-your-belief-till-it-snaps mode, complete with a disappointing clue: ESSEKER. I immediately went into anagrams to crack the case thinking it would mean “Seekers”—but alas it’s quickly established that it means…ummm… Esseker! This turns out to be the last name of a schizophrenic-turned-nun-in-hiding and the one who can possibly put an end to the madness/evil. Mirrors moves into One Missed Call territory but without the so-bad-its funny aspect (possessed cell phones, mirrors what’s the difference?). So it’s no surprise when the credits reveal that this movie’s based on Into the Mirror, a Korean flick. Once again even with a French director the U.S. version just sucks the life out another Asian ghost story.
This might’ve been fun in an Italian horror movie kind of way because nonsensical stories, severely lame plots and wretched dialogue are their forte, but all for the sake of STYLE. What’s most maddening here is the deadening of style. What’s left is so beyond ludicrous I have no need to even make fun of it. This is A Night at the Museum meets Jeepers Creepers.
The first 5 minutes and the last 10 could be edited together for a nice compelling “Tales from the Crypt” short. This movie is so much filler that I got stuffed and needed a nap. It belongs at the bottom of some sewer-hole to be buried forever. A truly forgettable experience, Mirrors shatters all hopes, and packs seven years of bad luck into 110 minutes.

Mirrors
Starring Kiefer Sutherland, Paula Patton, Amy Smart
 Director: Alexandre Aja
 1 star