Nevermore!

A Premature Burial is Only Fitting
by Morgan P Salvo

The makers of The Raven would like you to believe that Edgar Allen Poe spent the last days of his life helping law enforcement officials capture a crazed copycat killer (influenced by Poe’s work) and in doing so, saved the love of his life Emily, whom he wrote Annabel Lee for. This is about as likely as me putting on a pair of diapers, sprouting wings and shooting love arrows at terrorists.

The plot uses some of the real-life mysteries from Poe's final days to form the backdrop of a fictional tale about a serial killer who models his work on scenes from the author's goriest stories. Filmed in Serbia and Hungary, Raven looks cool but that’s about it. With the exception of really good looking detailed gore, this movie is as flat as a buttermilk pancake. If a film can pay this much attention to blood spurting and gushing, then the rest of the movie should rise to the occasion.

Raven is a combo of director James McTeigue’s prior work - Ninja Assassin’s overt blood spraying and V for Vendetta’s blandness. "The Pit and the Pendulum" murder scene rivals if not surpasses the equivalent torture scene from SAW V. This flick is betrayed by its constant dullness allowing only gore to deliver the money shots.

Then there’s the acting. Let’s face it; John Cusack is really not an actor. He is just John Cusack. There’s no discernable difference between his former roles and Poe with the exception of more hair and a goatee. Cusack’s Poe could have cranked up the turmoil and debauchery--- he was an alcoholic and opium addict for chrissakes! The bottom line is that Cusack does not have the acting chops to pull off an intellectual giant with Victorian banter. His range includes bugging out his eyes and yelling. I like Cusack, he’s a cool dude but he definitely should just stick to contemporary times or take some acting lessons. Alice Eve was God-awful and totally miscast. Brendan Gleason should be utterly ashamed of himself. The only one to watch was Luke Evans as Detective Fields. Coming off like a combo of Heath Ledger meets Michael Shannon, at least he attempted some depth. Actually Evans and Cusack should’ve switched roles. Evans looks like Poe and Cusack would’ve fared much better as the frustrated officer.

 The Raven is a fairy tale with halfwit intellectualizing and downright bastardization of Poe and his masterpieces. The new killer wants Poe to write gory stories again, his killing spree spurned on by his love/hate relationship with Poe’s work. Supposedly this gives remedy to Poe’s writer’s block by being forced to come out of semi-retirement to write fresh installments of the new crimes being committed. Too bad the writers of this travesty busted through their barricade.

The poorly written script is relentlessly ridiculous. At one point we see a newspaper headline referring to a madman “serial killer". This phrase wasn’t coined until the likes of one Ted Bundy entered our midst. Oddly, descendant Hanna Shakespeare was co-writer. Apparently it doesn’t run in the family.

In 1849, Edgar Allan Poe was discovered on a Baltimore park bench, incoherent, delirious and almost dead. How he got that way and what he babbled about is a mystery, with theories concentrating on Poe's personal torment and addiction to opiates and alcohol not to mention his brain congestion, cholera, heart disease, rabies, suicide attempts, tuberculosis, syphilis and other assorted traumas. The dude was messed up. We see nothing close to that degree of a tormented soul here.

I have an idea. Let’s pair Poe and Sherlock Holmes and why not throw in Charles Dickens, Oscar Wilde, Mark Twain, Robert Louis Stevenson, Lewis Carroll, Jack London, Ralph Waldo Emerson and Emily Dickinson then let tem run amuck as superheroes like The Avengers and fight crime in Kickass fashion. If the Raven’s filmmakers can’t be as mad and macabre as its hero, why not bend the rules even bigger?

I have always been a big fan of Edgar Allan having read most of his stuff a few times, but even more so of HP Lovecraft. I swear to God they had better leave him alone. Wait…who am I kidding?Lovecraft better prepare to start rolling in his grave.

 

The Raven

Starring John Cusack, Luke Evans, Alice Eve, Brendan Gleeson

Directed by James McTeigue

Rated R

1 star