Nevermore!

A Premature Burial is Only Fitting
by Morgan P Salvo

The makers of The Raven would like you to believe that Edgar Allen Poe spent the last days of his life helping law enforcement officials capture a crazed copycat killer (influenced by Poe’s work) and in doing so, saved the love of his life Emily, whom he wrote Annabel Lee for. This is about as likely as me putting on a pair of diapers, sprouting wings and shooting love arrows at terrorists.

The plot uses some of the real-life mysteries from Poe's final days to form the backdrop of a fictional tale about a serial killer who models his work on scenes from the author's goriest stories. Filmed in Serbia and Hungary, Raven looks cool but that’s about it. With the exception of really good looking detailed gore, this movie is as flat as a buttermilk pancake. If a film can pay this much attention to blood spurting and gushing, then the rest of the movie should rise to the occasion.

Raven is a combo of director James McTeigue’s prior work - Ninja Assassin’s overt blood spraying and V for Vendetta’s blandness. "The Pit and the Pendulum" murder scene rivals if not surpasses the equivalent torture scene from SAW V. This flick is betrayed by its constant dullness allowing only gore to deliver the money shots.

Then there’s the acting. Let’s face it; John Cusack is really not an actor. He is just John Cusack. There’s no discernable difference between his former roles and Poe with the exception of more hair and a goatee. Cusack’s Poe could have cranked up the turmoil and debauchery--- he was an alcoholic and opium addict for chrissakes! The bottom line is that Cusack does not have the acting chops to pull off an intellectual giant with Victorian banter. His range includes bugging out his eyes and yelling. I like Cusack, he’s a cool dude but he definitely should just stick to contemporary times or take some acting lessons. Alice Eve was God-awful and totally miscast. Brendan Gleason should be utterly ashamed of himself. The only one to watch was Luke Evans as Detective Fields. Coming off like a combo of Heath Ledger meets Michael Shannon, at least he attempted some depth. Actually Evans and Cusack should’ve switched roles. Evans looks like Poe and Cusack would’ve fared much better as the frustrated officer.

 The Raven is a fairy tale with halfwit intellectualizing and downright bastardization of Poe and his masterpieces. The new killer wants Poe to write gory stories again, his killing spree spurned on by his love/hate relationship with Poe’s work. Supposedly this gives remedy to Poe’s writer’s block by being forced to come out of semi-retirement to write fresh installments of the new crimes being committed. Too bad the writers of this travesty busted through their barricade.

The poorly written script is relentlessly ridiculous. At one point we see a newspaper headline referring to a madman “serial killer". This phrase wasn’t coined until the likes of one Ted Bundy entered our midst. Oddly, descendant Hanna Shakespeare was co-writer. Apparently it doesn’t run in the family.

In 1849, Edgar Allan Poe was discovered on a Baltimore park bench, incoherent, delirious and almost dead. How he got that way and what he babbled about is a mystery, with theories concentrating on Poe's personal torment and addiction to opiates and alcohol not to mention his brain congestion, cholera, heart disease, rabies, suicide attempts, tuberculosis, syphilis and other assorted traumas. The dude was messed up. We see nothing close to that degree of a tormented soul here.

I have an idea. Let’s pair Poe and Sherlock Holmes and why not throw in Charles Dickens, Oscar Wilde, Mark Twain, Robert Louis Stevenson, Lewis Carroll, Jack London, Ralph Waldo Emerson and Emily Dickinson then let tem run amuck as superheroes like The Avengers and fight crime in Kickass fashion. If the Raven’s filmmakers can’t be as mad and macabre as its hero, why not bend the rules even bigger?

I have always been a big fan of Edgar Allan having read most of his stuff a few times, but even more so of HP Lovecraft. I swear to God they had better leave him alone. Wait…who am I kidding?Lovecraft better prepare to start rolling in his grave.

 

The Raven

Starring John Cusack, Luke Evans, Alice Eve, Brendan Gleeson

Directed by James McTeigue

Rated R

1 star

Monsters On The Prowl

Cabin in the Woods changes all the rules in a genre busting good time 

 By Morgan P Salvo

Cabin in the woods movies are usually pretty good, with Evil Dead 1&2 being the best of them all. Cabin Fever also fits the bill as a decent throwback to the genre and now, thanks to Lion’s Gate and Mutant Energy Productions we have the supreme example  in 2012’s Cabin in the Woods. Horror movie fans and aficionados will go berserk with this one and will wonder why this film was made back in 2009 and not released until now.

Talking about Cabin in the Woods is nearly impossible without a spoiler alert. Vagueness is the only way to go. I have gone over it my head countless times and it would only do a huge disservice by letting anyone in on what happens. It wouldn’t be fair to give anything away because the surprises are fairly original and highly ingenious, not to mention freakin’ hilarious. This flick is so full of unbelievable twists that you have to see it to believe it.

Here’s what you can know beforehand that can’t ruin any of the monstrous curve balls hurled your way. First off, five college students all fitting the stereotypes to a tee (we have the slut, the good girl, the stud, the brain and the stoner) head to a sinister cabin in the woods. And somehow a group of government bureaucrats are involved in the horrific shenanigans that ensue. I can’t really say more than that.

But I can say Richard Jenkins’ use of the F-bomb is priceless. Bradley Whitford is super snarky (no surprise here). Chris Hemsworth is an annoying actor. He was supremely irritating as Thor and apparently started out even worse beforehand.

Because of my commitment to not spoil the surprises this movie holds in store, I will apply the Amazon or IMDB method of “if you like this you will like these”: Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Hatchet1 &2, Don’t go into the Woods, The Burning, Sleepaway Camp, at least five Friday the 13ths, and countless “make sure you don’t go in them/thar backwoods” 80’s gems that still reside in VHS form only.

Horror film buffs and even normal movie goers will find it hard to deny the multi-faceted enjoyment Cabin delivers. The infused humor is actually funny and yes it’s on purpose. Sure there’s gore, splatter, nonsensical slaughter and questionable storylines, but this is in essence The Hunger Games for horror fans.

Keeping true to the genre and pumping it full of turbo charged adrenaline, writer/producer Joss Wheadon of Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV show fame (and upcoming Avengers epic) along with co-writer/first time director Drew Goddard (writer from Lost and Cloverfield) have way too much fun expertly achieving the balance between high end horror and perfect release valve humor. This is the hardest I have laughed in a long time as the devilishly clever script jumps all over the place. Not everything works, but it's hard not to admire Whedon and Goddard for all their over-the-top attempts. While keeping it fresh and our vested interest in its whole premise, no matter how ludicrous, Cabin proves to be a major accomplishment. By the time the ride is over, this flick changes course more times than the Amazing Race but never loses momentum. Incredibly smart nods and winks aimed right at the horror buffs will keep them guessing as to which homage fits where. And a fifteen minute sequence near the end is one of the biggest payoffs in cinematic history

All in all, Cabin is one crazy-ass movie. Having a handle on all things stereotypical and clichéd, it works beyond anyone’s wildest dreams. With some of the most idiotic explanations for why we see the things on screen, we still can’t wait to see what happens next. While still corny, hokey and flawed, for a different take on a genre this is pretty darn entertaining. This flick takes camp to a new level and we roll with it. It doesn’t matter how stupid Cabin gets, it shoves its hooks in and never lets go. I left with the song “Cabin in the Woods” from Evil Dead, the Musical running through my head. That is high praise.

 

The Cabin in the Woods

Starring Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth, Anna Hutchison, Fran Kranz, Jesse Williams, Richard Jenkins, Bradley Whitford

Directed by Drew Goddard

Rated R

3 ½ stars

Like Father Like Son

DeNiro is the wrong choice in a sad tale of Hopeless Homeless and Helpless 

 By Morgan P Salvo

Sometimes movies with great ideas show huge promise and nothing else. With Being Flynn I was under the impression that this might be some sort of comeback for DeNiro after about two straight decades of duds. This is simply not the case.

Based on the memoir “Another Bullshit Night in Suck City” by playwright and poet Nick Flynn, describing Flynn's reunion with his estranged father, Jonathan, an alcoholic resident of the homeless shelter where Nick was a social worker in the late 1980s this flick falters back and forth without any real rhythm relying on the fact that committing this ingenious idea to celluloid will be in itself a payoff. Not so much.

Touching at times, not enough energy is poured into this thing. We get to see the lives of lowlifes from different backgrounds as we first follow Nick (Paul Dano) who is semi-down and out looking for a cheap pace to live and any work he can find who finally meets his father(DeNiro), who is a delusional alcoholic roaming the streets doing odd jobs like driving cab. Here the full circle Taxi Driver reference is right in front of your face but it seems director Paul Weitz overlooks the significance.

  Flynn cuts back and forth from present day to the past as teenager Nick receives letters from this stranger of a father a self-proclaimed poet and con man doing time in federal prison for embezzlement as we watch the toll this takes on his overworked mom (Julianne Moore) to inevitable suicide, and the trajectory that led Nick and his father (both addicts) onto the streets, into that shelter, and finally to each other. Dad, prone to racial and sexual rants and raves, can’t keep a grip on reality as son struggles to be a writer but has too many inner demons pulling on his creative path. Alcoholism and madness runs in the family the as do blocks of creativity by substance abuse. Sounds promising right?

 First off this flick is too self aware (conscious) of how clever its cinematic attempts are. It has independent film written all over it. It’s sad that the movie suffers hugely because of it.

There are some really nice moments but when an actual tone is achieved it seems to dissipate then quickly dissolve into the next scene. We get the kind of pathos decent theater is all about but here the ball is dropped one too many times down a hopeless gutter. Dead pan and quirky Flynn’s problem is the disjointed way it chooses to travel never letting you in on any character’s feelings we just see them go through the motions of being devastated by booze or drugs and being hurt physically or emotionally. Using only Badly Drawn Boy as its soundtrack source (with the uplifting exception of the Butthole Surfers for a dance scene) mainly just emphasizes the indie quirk-fest stamp

What Robert DeNiro can do well is play a thug, a mob guy, a maniac or a dolt. The part he cannot play is an intellectual especially a messy alcoholic artist with elocution. He can play the mess but only comes off angry not intelligent. It’s a shame because a bunch of different actors come to mind who could have pulled this off like say Brian Cox or even…Walken. DeNiro lacks the ability to convey creative genius no matter how well he memorizes his lines. Fuming and simplistic DeNiro never reaches the heights a character like this strives for. A once great writer (in his mind) turned ultimate loser demands the essence of Shakespearean greatness. DeNiro just slugs it out through rage and bile spewing.

Dano (There will be Blood), on the other hand overtly passive aggressive, pulls off a great characterization of a troubled loser destined to follow in his fathers footsteps as he tries a myriad of self-help drugs and alcohol. Julianne Moore is competent (as always) in her small role of Mom but the reasoning behind her suicide is absolutely flawed. Olivia Thirlby truly breathes life into her role as she shows true compassion and pain when things go right and/or wrong.

What’s wrong here is Paul Weitz as director. His other two directorial outings (Little Fockers and Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant) I haven’t been able to sit through. With Weitz at the helm it’s certainly understandable why DeNiro gets away with his performance. Both guilty of a totally out-of-touch concept of comedy transfer this commodity to drama. This movie feels like the director just lifts ideas and techniques from other more serious (and way better) filmmakers and can’t quite find his voice attempting no form of homage like say DePalma or Tarantino. There’s also dual narration between Dano and DeNiro which makes me want to go back and count how many flicks DeNiro has narrated in his career. 

Being Flynn is a cool story when it starts to unfold this version just lacks the spunk and energy to tell it relying solely on a great premise. Throughout Flynn senior is working on his great American novel to rival J D Salinger called “Memoirs of a Moron”. That’s an apt title for this flick, another is “Gone with the Wind” but I hear that one’s already taken.

 

Being Flynn

Starring Robert DeNiro, Paul Dano, Julianne Moore, Olivia Thirlby

Directed by Paul Weitz

2 stars

Communication Breakdown

Ignorance and psychosis go hand in hand

By Morgan P Salvo

Some movies clue you in from the first scene that you’re in for a different experience. We Need to Talk About Kevin achieves this and falls into the category of really different. The opening looks like a blood orgy, with Tilda Swinton slathered to the hilt in red, but turns out to be some sort of tomato festival with gobs of crushed slime running red all over huddled masses. It’s not clear if this is some sort of flashback or a surreal dream sequence and frankly it doesn’t matter. Scottish director Lynne Ramsay, responsible for the underrated Morven Callar and Ratcatcher, likes to give us a lot to work with. Here she uses the ever-present color red, symbolizing the stigma of never being able to wash the blood of tragedy from your hands.
WHTTAK is about a demon seed drunkenly spawned by Eva (Swinton) and Franklin (John C Reilly) who weren’t ready for a kid. Franklin adapts while Eva sees the child as an invasion to her entire existence. They’re a professional couple - he’s a photographer, she’s a travel agent, and things seem to be okay except there is something wrong with their son Kevin (Rock Duer) who grows into an obstinate brat (Jasper Newell) then a threatening, calculating teen (Ezra Miller). Questions arise, such as how and when do you know that you’re raising a monster?
Modern day Eva wears a glassy stare, obviously suffering from some huge emotional burden and is the target of abuse from her community. We are jettisoned into flashbacks between two periods, before and after a catastrophe, to see why her life has become so miserable.
With the premise of “this is what happens when we don’t talk it out”, Ramsay keeps up the surreal portrait of dysfunctional hi-jinks in a way that’s frustrating and compelling simultaneously. Even though things are spelled out for us eventually with equal time devoted to real-time and flashbacks, we still feel like we need to put the jigsaw puzzle pieces together. Sometimes the most effective events happen off screen while we see emotional turmoil unfold on people’s expressions. It’s like Funny Games, without the torture meets The Omen sans the supernatural link to Satan. The wickedness is in the mind of Kevin who acts out as the result of feeling unwanted by mom who tries to mask her hostility with superficial kindness. Ultimately she can’t stand having a kid, especially one this evil.
And is Kevin ever a diabolical little shit. He plays favorite son to dad, who turns a blind eye to any bad thing mom says he does. Eva fights back with another pregnancy and soon the sister has an eye patch. We realize nothing good can come of this household, we just don’t know quite how bad it will get. As soon as we see the pet hamster we know it is not long for this world. The biggest mistake is dad buying Kevin a bow and arrow set. Tension builds through the parents’ miscommunication to the inevitable fact that Kevin is going to do something heinous.

Swinton is once again at the top her game; she commands the screen through a weirdly introverted performance. Her portrait of a woman’s deteriorating state of mind is mesmerizing as her zombielike Eva wanders through life in a state of shock. It’s nice to see Reilly (who’s getting fatter all the time) in something dramatic again but one too many comedies have made him hard to take seriously. All three Kevin portrayals are spot on.
Kevin makes you want you to jump in the screen and either spank or scold. But mainly that’s what you want to do to these parents for their inability to communicate. Ramsay was quoted as saying, “Kevin is one of the last taboo subjects: You're meant to instantly love your baby from the moment he's born, but what if you don’t?” And what if that baby grows into someone terrifying? Well this dark flick doesn’t answer all the questions of what it would be like to live with a kid capable of going all “Columbine” but it sure makes you think. We Need to Talk about Kevin is a weirdly frightening and strangely beautiful warped vision. Those of us who see this flick will definitely be talking about Kevin.


We Have To Talk About Kevin
Starring Tilda Swinton, John C Reilly, Ezra Miller, Rocky Duer
Directed by Lynne Ramsay
Rated R
3 ½ stars

YO! You on the wall...Who’s the cutest of them all?

Upgraded fable isn’t as bad as it should be...but close
by Morgan P Salvo

I wanted this movie to be worse. Mirror Mirror wasn’t horrible but it’s not good either. With a safe even keel this flick excels at being nothing special. It’s not stupid enough for to me to be fully embarrassed for the human race and not campy enough to be blasé. It’s a bland prequel and retelling of the Snow White and the Seven Dwarves fable and ultimately decent enough for kids. Damn it!
Sent with cruel intentions by my wicked step-editor, I knew my movie going experience was fated to be nightmarish due to the fact that it’s Spring Break and kids are out in droves. Alas I was turned away from this kid magnet after at my first round of standing in a line of exuberant children because it was sold out. Perhaps that was a good thing.

Mirror moves along but at times engages a really slow and deliberate pace. The jokes come in intervals as the cuteness dominates the action. I was hoping for an Alexandre Aja Mirrors version where jagged glass shears peoples’ skin off and the shards would stab people’s flesh leaving them shrieking, but no such luck. Despite having such a visionary filmmaker as director Tarsem Singh (The Cell, The Fall and The Immortals) this flick suffers from being dumbed down and restrained to make the PG rating. Focusing on rich colors and closing in on Tim Burton’s territory, Mirror never steps out of a predestined comfort zone. At least Tarsem has finally made a film without “the” in the title.
The performances are good to stiff to adequate. Julia Roberts wants me to hate her, but once again she’s on par with the rest of the flick. Nathan “Hambone” Lane does his predictable spiel. Lily Collins’ Snow White is simply cute, while Armie Hammer (The Winklevoss twins in The Social Network) expresses comic timing but is reduced to an awkward level of adorable. Armie comes off more like Judge Reinhold than a gallant prince.The weirdest thing is seeing Oscar winner Michael Lerner (for Barton Fink) slimmed down in real life and reduced here to literally a pawn in their game. He plays a human chess piece The saving grace is the seven dwarves. Renamed and full of fiery vim and bungling vigor, the dwarves are portrayed as bandits on inflatable stilts (that gets one point for originality.) Not only is Martin Klebba from Feast 2 & 3 here, but they all deliver the goods as seven stooges with equal screen time and well defined characters.
The current fad in Hollywood is to churn out these “fresh” versions of old fairy tales complete with contemporary lingo that gains humor but definitely yanks you out of the moment. It’s all about the “what if” adaptation and more artistic license surrounding the prequel concept. Mirror only leads up to the poisoned apple and even that is thwarted in such a way that it rivals the whole marketing campaign of Julia Roberts holding up “one bad apple.”
Two Snow White flicks are coming out within a month of each other begging the question of which is the fairest of them all? Mirror jumps the gun yet never rises to the occasion, playing it way too safe. All I can say is, look out Snow White and the Huntsman, you’d better deliver.
.

Mirror Mirror
Starring Julia Roberts Lily Collins, Armie Hammer, Nathan Lane
Directed by Tarsem Sing
Rated PG
2 stars