Thunderous Blunders

 Proof that the (comic) book is better than the movie

By Morgan P Salvo


I am calling BS. Listen up, I know my Mighty Thor and he did not have a beard. Nor did he look like some kind of male model lumberjack hunk. As his mortal alter ego he was kindly Doctor Blake who walked with a cane and when he pounded that sucker to the ground, turned into everything powerful and God-like from Asgard. I know of these things because I was a bonafide Marvel comic book geek when Thor was penned by Stan Lee and drawn by Jack Kirby. I was also a complete Norse mythology nut finding the Viking heroes way more exciting than those pansy Greek gods. I know all about Thor, Loki, and Odin and where they reside in the heavens across the rainbow bridge of Asgard.
Kenneth Branagh directs the new adrenaline raging pummel-fest Thor, and his switch from Shakespeare to Frankenstein with its dizzying camera angles and over the top audacity had me laughing from start to finish. So I thought there might be humorous hope with this new Marvel installment.
Sadly it’s not the case. The saga of the Fallen Norse God has been recharged into a way too convenient, a flashy tale of good versus evil and bad storyline versus special effects. The simple plot is an enraged Odin (Anthony Hopkins) strips Thor (Chris Hemsworth) of his powers and banishes him to Earth, leaving Thor’s half-brother Loki (Tom Hiddleston) next in line to the throne and Thor left with the task of proving himself worthy among mortals.
It’s no secret that Thor, along with Ironman, Hulk and the upcoming Captain America are all leading up to The Avengers. Here in Thor all we get is CGI in top form and 3D in fuzzy useless Last Airbender form, while mutant robots clank and spew fire waiting for Thor to chuck his hammer. We get a quick origin for Thor and his hammer which should be the coolest part. Thor can just about demolish anything in his path with it plus it returns to his hand like a jackhammer Frisbee. But we don’t get to see it enough as its stuck in cement in a “Sword in the Stone” sub plot. All escapades in Thor are convoluted stupid and simple. Only a few scenes reminded me of the comic. While scientists and the FBI try to figure out who Thor is and where the hell he came from, I kept trying to figure out why this movie waivered on such an inconsistent path. It’s no secret that Thor along with Ironman, Hulk and the upcoming Captain America are all flicks leading up to the Avengers movie in what incorporates a ton of superheroes. But from the shenanigans with the Frost Giants in Sub-Asgard to the cornball antics in New Mexico, we don’t get a feeling of finality but rather one big Sci-Fi channel pilot setting up for the next adventures.
All escapades in Thor are convoluted, stupid and simple. CGI is off the charts and 3D in fuzzy, useless Last Airbender form. But there is a Heat Monster and a Healing Room so after viewing this cathartic disaster I’ll take the latter
Casting newcomer Aussie Hemsworth is a mistake. He’s all man beard and steely glint. And he never wears a helmet—Thor wore a cool helmet with wings on it so much that he looked weird without it. The original Thor had a hard time comprehending anything human and therein lays his dichotomy and outsider rebellious attitude. As the lost soul having been cast banished from Asgard, Thor must have a sorrowful human existence and his plight is being a loner and outcast. But instead In Hollywood, Thor gets an immediate love interest in Natalie Portman (laying on the cuteness) and learns way too quick the way of humans.
The best part about the comic book Marvel superheroes was their conflicted world of dwelling on their soap operatic human problems. Their inner turmoil eating them alive was where the fun was. Thor only scratches this surface. The moral of this story is home is where you hang your hammer and while Thor is forced to eat some humble pie, the filmmakers expect us to swallow a slice of it too.

Side note: Chris Hemsworth was on the Australian Dancing with the stars

Thor
Starring Chris Hemsworth, Anthony Hopkins, Natalie Portman, Idris Elba
Director: Kenneth Branagh
Rated PG-13
1 ½ stars