Splice of Life

Science and Dysfunctional Parenting Don’t Mix
by
Morgan P Salvo


Don’t expect horror from this dysfunctional freak-show. Splice is not scary and only pretends to be a psychological thriller. It’s a “what if” scenario focusing on scientists who play God, splice together some DNA stew, and then decide to raise the prototype like parents. They watch it grow, try to teach it, but give up and…have sex with it. I’m not remotely kidding. Even with its international credits Splice still comes off like a bad American movie about really bad parenting.
Starting off promising the credits are spelled in veins popping out of embryo-like skin, and the actors peer in at you as the experiment. Bio-technology at the N.E.R.D. laboratories has created a new species of lumpy penis-headed slugs named Fred and Ginger. Top-notch scientists and live-in lovers Clive and Elsa (Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley) are on the verge of the next breakthrough using human DNA but are blocked by corporate big wigs so they go rogue and proceed with the experiment in secrecy.
Before you can say zygote they have their mutant child, which at birth looks like a manta ray with a butt on its head. After that it’s a chicken-footed-lamb-faced-cat-eyed-skinned-rabbit monstrosity straight out of David Lynch’s Eraserhead. The creature named “Dren” (nerd spelled backwards) wearing a little girls blue dress is completely laughable. The plot takes a few turns but spends too much time in origin and only hints at back-story for the two protagonists. Too many easy questions arise, like how can they get away with all this secret lab work undetected?
With obvious nods to Frankenstein (Bride of Frankenstein actors were Colin Clive and Elsa Lanchester) co-writer/ director Vincenzo Natali (Cube) makes a slick-looking flick about dangers of gene splicing, with nothing really explained. Natali's disjointed approach leaves the viewer left with an annoying sense that more interesting paths were bypassed for a narrative that offers few surprises.

Polley and Brody make the most of their emoting skills with the pedestrian dialogue. Polley gets progressively demented while weepy-eyed Brody wears about a dozen hip logo t-shirts. Commanding both pity and awe, Delphine Chaneac plays the grown up Dren and even under a ton of CGI and makeup has us feeling the pain of her dismal plight..
When Dren is moved to abandoned barn where we wait for suspense or scary horror pay-off--- we get an overt amount of time is spent on tortuous parenting. As if mindreading the audience, “tedious” and its anagram “outside” are actually spelled out in scrabble form by Dren, begging for her freedom. I felt like I was watching Alien meets exploitation Nazi camp version of Leave it to Beaver. Dren gets naked, and then it gets really warped. Clive turns alien-sex-fiend and this messed up morality play just gets stupider.



The sleepwalking tone betrays this movie. Whereas Moon was touted as a phantasmal sci-fi flick it successfully accomplished a weird psychological profile and social commentary. Under the guise of horror, Splice hacks together the notion that people just don’t get along until it’s too late. The children are the ones who suffer, especially when made out of a test tube.
The ridiculous gender bending twist ending that you see coming a mile way takes away from any social commentary or even horror values. When Dren turns into a Jeepers Creepers’ version of a devilish gargoyle-like chimera and then has transgender rape-sex all bets are off. Instead of taking a real chance, the finale devolves into a generic genre ending. It should have played out as a more self aware cult flick. Missing were hotrods, bikers and go-go dancers. It screams sequel but no one will care. This might sound good in the retelling but Splice is an experiment gone awry.

Splice
Starring Adrian Brody, Sarah Polley, Delphine Chaneac
Directed by Vincenzo Natali
1 ½ stars