Burned Out

Flame off: Lukewarm storyline and lazy 3D knocks out all the fire power
By Morgan P Salvo



Just as in his last ghostly outing, Drive Angry, Nicholas Cage tries to ruin this movie every step of the way, but this time he has help. His mundane take on acting is surpassed by the dismal directing by two of the most innovative filmmakers to date, Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, as they drop the fiery ball big time. The fun that is supposed to be had in Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance is lost entirely. This flick held high expectations, yet sadly, it flat out sucks.
The plot tries to stay true to Marvel Comics’ original idea with its various takes on Ghost Rider’s origin. As Johnny Blaze (Cage) hides out in Eastern Europe, he is called upon by a wine guzzling priest (Idris Elba) to stop the devil, who is trying to take human form in the likes of a boy. And forget about my theory on haunted house movies sucking, my new theory is anything with a boy in it sucks. Cage rampages hither and yon on his lame quest to find the boy and fight evil doers in an attempt to lift his demonic curse.
This flick is shockingly boring.Everyone is basically stuck in an overdone, highly unoriginal race against satanic doomsday. This hackneyed plot steals from The Fury and The Omen. I should’ve known it would be bad since David S. Goyer wrote the story and is responsible for three movies I found repellent: Jumper, The Unborn, and The Dark Knight.

Cage’s narration is somewhat peppy for his usual hangdog monosyllabic babble and his acting is a baby step above his usual posing. But he spends way too much time without his goddamned head on fire lumbering around in his 70’s Elvis leather duds like he has a red hot poker up his butt. Idris has fun with his rambunctious performance, but Johnny Whitworth has the best time as sadistic Ray Carrigan who obtains the power to make things decay, reducing people to Stove Top stuffing mix. A gratuitous Christopher Lambert as an evil priest/monk with graffiti tattooed on his face gives the best (and shortest) performance of his career. Ciarán Hinds looks funny with half his face melting and Violante Placido does nothing sexy or “actiony” enough to please anyone.
Speaking of heads on fire, there is way too much fiery skull screaming while all action stands still and the villains ponder WTF is with that darn flaming motorcycle? The first fight scene shows shades of things to come as all fiery battle sequences are undecipherable. The PG-13 rating works against the subject matter as every time tension builds and it looks like heads will explode it’s either done off screen or from far away.

Let’s blame the directors. Responsible for Crank and Crank 2, these guys have made some of the most pleasing eye candy action flicks ever made. Even Gamer was a fun-packed adventure and sociological skewer of the media. But Neveldine and Taylor seem just plain lazy here. This is definitely like a bad Jonah Hex hangover (a flick they started and walked away from). At least this movie will please the 10-12 year old male demographic.
Not utilizing 3D to any decent capacity, every chance for shit to fly at your head is extinguished in these tepid animated sequences. There’s more energy packed in five minutes of Crank than this entire movie. My expectations were high from a special preview wherein I saw Taylor being pulled by a strap on rollerblades to get some wildly cool shots that must’ve hit the editing floor.
I’m sure N & T were happy to get a paycheck and cash in on the phenomenon that is Nicolas Cage There are a few BS touching scenes. Nick gets to cry and everyone gets to shoot stuff. There’s way too much yakking and too much mythology on the boy and Johnny Blaze.
The directing team pulls out some tricks from their repertoire but not enough to justify the uninspired flick they dish out. The fiery motorcycle looks cool yet the Mad Max/Road Warrior ending is cut too short. You would think with these filmmakers’ résumé at least the ending credits would be fun to watch, but even they are lackluster.
Basically this movie is a bunch of bad ideas poorly executed. After the smoke clears we’re stuck with no real pay off, a waste of time and an even worse memory.The things a nice high powered fire extinguisher would’ve accomplished...
Oh well, ashes to ashes….

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
Starring Nicholas Cage, Idris Elba, Ciarán Hinds, Violante Placido, Johnny Whitworth
Directed by Mark Neveldine, Brian Taylor
Rated PG-13
1 ½ stars

Nowhere to Run, Nowhere to Hide

Finally... A flick that delivers the action goods
by Morgan P Salvo


I thought for sure that Safe House was another of those Tony Scott/ Denzel Washington collaborations and much to my chagrin its not. It is however Training Day all over again with a much cooler calmer Denzel. Instead of director Antoine Fuqua this time it’s Swedish director, with an equally exotic name, Daniel Espinosa known for Snabba Cash (Easy Money). This flick switches the hard driving streets of LA to the more intense safe houses throughout the city of Cape Town, South Africa.

CIA agent Matt Weston (Ryan Reynolds) is a low-level CIA "housekeeper" in charge of a safe house where suspects are taken by CIA operatives to be interrogated. Enter Tobin Frost (Washington), CIA agent-gone-rogue and the agency's most notorious traitor who mysteriously turns himself in…then the fun begins. When the safe house is attacked, Weston and Frost find themselves on the run pursued by trigger-happy gunmen.. Sound familiar? Within the confines of comparisons to the identity-and-loyalty-in-question Bourne movies and Salt, at least this flick has two action heroes and more gratuitous violence than you can shake a semi-automatic weapon at.
Having a decent beginning I thought the filmmakers were going to blow their wad early with the cat-and-mouse shadowing of Frost followed by an overt amount of gunplay. But that is followed up by one of the best car chases I’ve seen and the rest is nothing but a punch fest, shoot ’em up in all its action glory. The majority of Safe House doesn’t skimp on the punching, running, bullet spattering and dodging, hails of gunfire and thundering loud car smashes.

Worth mentioning is the spot-on editing, dizzying camera work and super stylized direction. Within a somber tone Espinosa maintains a visually coherent sense of time and space no matter how much pummeling there is. Cinematographer Oliver Wood must be praised highly here as his frenetic camera style never wanes and he is no slouch to the material. His cinematography credits include all three Bourne entries and a myriad of other action related flicks including Face/off and Sister Act 2 (Well okay we’re all not perfect). Editor Richard Pearson, whose credits include “The Bourne Supremacy, sews together some of the most cohesive sets of scenes in recent history.The use of grainy film and a lot of supreme close-ups adds to Safe House’s gritty feel.

Reynolds deserves recognition for being a consummate actor who can go seamlessly from smarmy comedic roles to down and dirty everyman roles. Here he expresses absolute believability as a man whose emotions go through the wringer getting yanked from every side against what’s right or wrong. Denzel on the other hand is so good at the epitome of cool, moody mystery and smoldering feeling that he keeps you nicely guessing throughout his world-weary cynical world view. The team playing the CIA home base agents are a bunch of actors (Vera Farmiga, Brendan Gleeson, Sam Shepard) known for laying on the intense deep seriousness, playing overly grizzled and determined CIA agents. They all look dangerously unhealthy and I can’t tell if it’s them or the characters… probably both.

The problems I have with this flick are miniscule like is it impossible to write an original script without a CIA agent going rogue and how many necks need to be broken by that twisting head routine? There are excellent shit-coming-out-of-nowhere scenes that startle the crap out of you. It’s like what horror movies strive for but in their context it’s always too predictable. Its way more effective in the action genre when a car slams into another on or a bullet pierces a skull when we least expect it.
Out doing Salt, Fast and Furious and all the Bourne flicks put together, Safe House really delivers the goods. There’s a kind of “wish come true” Wiki leaks ending that I think many of us would like to see transpire in reality but for now we’ll stick with the high powered action. With whirlwind energy, high body count and performances that stay on the mark the last thing Safe House does is play it safe.


Safe House
Starring Denzel Washington, Ryan Reynolds, Vera Farmiga, Brendan Gleeson, Sam Shepard
Directed by Daniel Espinosa
Rated R
3 ½ stars

Oh dear what shall I do? Baby’s in black and I’m feeling blue

Straightforward horror from rejuvenated Hammer films

By Morgan P Salvo


The previews for Woman in Black come from the green tinted night-camera variety, showing “candid” audiences’ reactions of fright. This is the same technique employed by the Paranormal Activity franchise to sell tickets. To me it’s the equivalent of restaurants that showcase faded pictures of their food in the window: never a good sign. It’s a shame the marketing research team resorted to this kind of advertising because in actuality this is an old school Victorian gothic ghost story that qualifies for decent requisite horror and definitely could’ve been a lot worse.
This atmospheric retro chiller, set in an isolated Yorkshire village, is a production of England's revived Hammer label and features a post-Harry Potter Daniel Radcliffe in his first grown up role. Screenwriter Jane Goldman has adapted Susan Hill's 1983 novel (which spawned a radio series, TV movie and long-running West End stage play). I feel the highly unoriginal title needs some sprucing up but then again in context with this movie it suffices.
The long and short of the plot is that Arthur Kipps (Radcliffe), is a recently widowed lawyer sent to a remote village to put a deceased eccentric's affairs in order. Kipps discovers that his late client's house is haunted by the spirit of a woman and that no one is safe (especially children) from her terrible wrath. His initial arrival in the township is greeted by weird stares, people peering through windows and a general stand offish vibe from the villagers who are obviously hiding a big dark secret. This creates a nice sinister, mysterious and foreboding atmosphere. The only person who's friendly is Samuel Daily (Ciarán Hinds), a wealthy skeptic whose wife (Janet McTeer) has gone mad after losing their young son. You figure Daily is either going to be a big help, turn evil or croak by the end of the movie. Don’t worry; I won’t spoil it for you.
Director James Watkins (Eden Lake/ The Descent 2) holds a steady eerie feel to this gothic entry with beautiful shots engulfed in a strange string soundtrack, but veers way too much into big loud scares that are accentuated by what sounds like someone whapping a kettle drum with a metallic gavel. In a very simplistic straightforward style we are treated to a variety of overdone genre clichés, some effective and some not. Keeping you on the creepy edge of your seat, Woman In Black relies on eeriness, not gore.
With an Edgar Allen Poe feel, we get foggy London, dark bogs and mucky marshes, and creepy wind up dolls and toys. But the jump scares and jolts go over the required limit especially in the movie’s midsection. Watkins is more innovative in building suspense in the flick’s quieter moments, allowing sometimes only quick glimpses of what could be lurking in the corner. This effect works better then the full on big white scary face that zooms at the screen looking like it was yanked right out of The Grudge. But when we spot the ghostly woman clad in black skulking about in the dilapidated garden, it looks more like Black Sabbath’s first album cover.
It’s no secret that I generally hate haunted house movies, but I’ve decided that if a house is going to be haunted it should at least be creepy, like this one. I think we’re all tired of these new modern houses where nocturnal entities terrorize suburbia.
Luscious and corny with a very hokey ending, this flick resolves into a little too easy of a solution. WIB needs more heaped on chills and thrills, like Sam Raimi’s manic Drag Me to Hell. It seems the filmmakers believed in keeping the movie true in spirit to horror movie predecessors like Roger Corman’s Grade-B The Terror (with Boris Karloff and Jack Nicholson).
Reminiscent of yesteryear, Woman in Black is a tasteful, old-school fright-fest, emphasizing suspense and ominous foreboding and, despite the bland name and misleading previews, delivers an adequate experience.


The Woman in Black
Starring Daniel Radcliffe, Janet McTeer, Ciarán Hinds
Directed by James Watkins
Rated PG-13
2 ½ stars

Ouch That Hurts!

Run of the mill punch fest loses its footing
by Morgan P Salvo

I have a few problems with this movie. First off when you call something "haywire" we really shouldn’t wait the entire movie to find out that nobody goes haywire. I mean if you call something “”Boycott or “Slaughter” you will probably see either of those things happen. Such is not the case with Haywire, Steven Soderbergh’s newest foray into action/espionage.
I’m a fan of Soderbergh. I liked Ocean’s 11-13 and I like the guts he has to make films such as major epics (Che), low budget art movies (The Girlfriend Experience, Bubble) or the criminally overlooked Kafka. He always seems to be redefining genres and putting his intellectual slant on things, but not here. Sure there’s a cool snazzy-jazz soundtrack and exotic locales but with no real shocks Haywire is a mediocre flick that feels contrived and clichéd .The best thing about the entire movie is the stunning camera work. It’s freakin’ awesome.
The acting debut of martial arts mistress Gina Carano shows promise playing a spy-gone-rogue and victim of an elaborate double-cross. But this take on Bourne Identity with a heroine is nothing special, containing no real originality at all. She runs, she fights, she shoots, and she kicks. There are three fight scenes with the leading men in this glorified showcase for Carano’s fighting skills. The first slug-fest with boyfriend Channing Tatum comes out of nowhere and is kind of Van Damme-ish. The second (and best) is with Michael Fassbender boasting high energy punching and weapon yielding. But the final rock ‘em sock ‘em with Ewan McGregor is laughable. These actors obviously did their own stunts against the terror fighting machine that is Carano so we don’t expect much but McGregor punches like a wimp even throughout valiant editing.

The other actors are reduced to cameo characterizations and should all have been referred to as they appear: Antonio “Beardy” Banderas, Michal “Old Wrinkle Puss” Douglas, Channing “Thick Neck” Tatum –you get the picture. I look forward to seeing Carano again, fighting skills be damned.
The timing seems off in almost every scene. Anytime Haywire gets stretched for dramatic pause, the music kicks in to give it more pizzazz but that only works for a while. It’s too bad because the last thing I want to say about a Soderbergh movie is that it’s predictable but sadly Haywire is just that, especially the moronic final scene.

Soderbergh delivers Haywire somewhere between mainstream and straight to video. I suppose the main surprise is that even dealing with a very simplistic plot the director decides to spell it out for us in needless reminder flashbacks. It seems he’s done this movie before and much better with mainstream entries like Out of Sight, The Limey. Soderbergh’s highly acclaimed Traffic won him a best director Academy Award and left an indelible mark in cinematic history yet Haywire doesn’t feel clever or willing to take chances, it’s lazy. With all the talent onboard this generic movie is unforgivable. Soderbergh keeps announcing his retirement from films altogether… maybe it’s time. The only thing going haywire is my mental status as to why after this fairly dispensable chunk of film was even made.


Haywire

Staring Gina Carano, Ewan McGregor, Michael Fassbender, Antonio Banderas, Channing Tatum, Michael Douglas
Directed by Steven Soderbergh
Rated R
2 ½ stars

Low End Chills and Thrills

Finally Iceland to get noticed for more than Bjork


By Morgan P Salvo

Now that it’s common knowledge that our movie going experience is inundated with remakes from all kinds of genres I was frightfully leery of this Contraband starring Mark Wahlberg to be the updated Lucio Fulci splatter fest Italian gangster flick of the same name. Well there might be some miniscule similarities, but the Italian Maestro’s film is left unscathed. Turns out Icelandic director Baltasar Kormákur decided instead to remake his 2008 flick Reykjavik-Rotterdam.
This Contraband is a general mess on a very mediocre trajectory. Something definitely gets lost in translation from Iceland as its American counterpart is a generic pile of muddle. Still it’s not as bad as I thought it would be, possibly due to Kormákur’s (Jar City /A Little Trip to Heaven) weirdly laid back style that builds little tension over a long period of time with tiny spurts of action interspersed between odd performances.
The plot is extremely old hat: ex-thief-turned-straight (Wahlberg) must do “one last job” in order to save his brother-in-law (Caleb Laundry Jones). The smuggling takes place on a barge where all the “caper-gone-wrong:” trouble ensues. With a really unforgivable ending and loopholes you could sail the barge through, this has fairly harmless action with about a gazillion f-bombs. The banal script offers no imaginative scenes and grates heavy on the somber mood. The classic lines of “I know what I’m doing” and “nothing will go wrong” are actually uttered.
Speaking of bombs, Giovanni Ribissi once again goes into extreme cartoon mode as the ultra slime-ball mosquito in your ear (and face), irritating rather than entertaining, Ben Foster is only adequate, Kate Beckinsale is filler and Wahlberg helps his performance by keeping his whiny voice in a lower octave and cursing every other word. There’s also the villain David O’Hara that damn Scottish guy with the super gravel voice. Plus once you see the camaraderie between Foster and Wahlberg you know Foster will either die or betray--- it’s that predictable
I have never seen a movie where people blurt out the word that should be kept under wraps, in this case “smuggling”. In inopportune moments characters brag about it like it’s the coolest thing ever. ”You guys were the “Lennon and McCartney of smuggling”, “Hey what are you doing--- smuggling or something?” I wouldn’t have been surprised if someone said, “What’s that in the bag …smuggled stuff?”
In Reykjavik-Rotterdam, Kormákur starred in the Wahlberg role. That might be worth a look, as I’m sure the Icelandic take on it is far more bleak therefore more interesting. Contraband’s attempt at art-house minimalism is present and with the weird pace and fragmented direction, all in all it wasn’t the worst way to spend the afternoon. Still, go see Fulci’s Contraband. That sucker will change your life.
My favorite part of Contraband was the preview for Ghost Rider 2, I know what you’re thinking it has Nicolas Cage in it…but Neveldine and Taylor are directing and it looks mighty awesome so stay tuned.


Contraband
Starring Mark Wahlberg, Kate Beckinsale, Giovanni Ribisi, Ben Foster, Directed by Baltasar Kormákur
Rated R
2 ½ stars

Secrets, Lies and Details Matter

Welcome to the ultimate thinking man’s spy flick
By Morgan P Salvo



Cerebral, that’s the first word that comes to mind in describing Tinker Tailor Solider Spy. And that was the last word echoing in my brain as I left the theatre. Problem with cerebral on film as opposed to cerebral in print is that it’s harder to convey the feeling of something going on in someone’s head when nothing is going on onscreen. A book can go into detail about what someone is feeling and/or thinking, but long takes of people’s expressions does not make mind readers out of an audience. With little dialogue, this is a movie that benefits those who have read the book. At least that’s what I’m told by people who hail the book as a masterpiece.

Based on John LeCarré’s classic 1974 novel, the film version leaves something to be desired. The actors are all superlative, especially Gary Oldman (getting his due by finally carrying a movie with this much weight), but when very little is going on onscreen it’s very hard to decipher what the hell is motivating any of these spies. I know they’re supposed to be secretive but this is overkill. With a very simple plot that’s not built out of your basic twisty-turny super espionage, it’s all about the inner workings of spies’ brains. Luckily I was fortunate to see most of the BBC mini-series staring Alec Guinness that delved a little deeper over time to tell the story in a relaxed, coherent manner and gave me a chance to soak in all the characters a little better. The 2011 version crams a lot of mental chess playing and secretive inner turmoil into the space of two hours, and the result is like watching paint dry.
TTSS is all about a spy who comes in from the cold (coincidently another LeCarré novel and subsequent movie) to expose a mole among his peers. George Smiley (Oldman) has been retired from British Intelligence for about a year when he is asked to find out which one of the men in the senior ranks of his old agency referred to as “The Circus” is a mole, aka a Russian spy. Without official access to any of the files or letting on that anyone is under suspicion and only a few old friends, Smiley must unearth the spy with his own powers of deduction and secrecy as his weapon. You know, spy stuff.
Compiling a few decent gore scenes, the only tension filled scene is the stealing of a folder containing revealing spy documents from a secret spy library. But the coolest thing about movie is the way it looks. This is the English-language debut of Swedish director Tomas Alfredson, who directed 2008's bleak anti-Twilight vampire movie, Let the Right One In. His visual style creeps into everything. With freezing sweeps of cold grim bleakness Alfredson impeccably captures the Cold War era, the intrigue of international espionage and the repercussions of betrayal.
Tinker also boasts a British cast that is without a doubt the most impressive thespian ensemble of any movie this year. Tom Hardy (quickly becoming one of my favorite actors of all time) fills in the most animated character and dependable Marc Strong has a central reoccurring role that will keep you guessing. Above all Gary Oldman is mesmerizing. What he does with his voice, delivery and cold stare is a marvel to behold. The rest (Toby Jones, Ciarán Hinds, Colin Firth) just sort of sit and stew as the chess pieces they’ve become neutralized to in this cat and mouse slow motion game. These spies are not cut from the dashing James Bond cloth. These guys are geeky intellectual stiff-upper-lip Brit operatives who fly under the radar.

In the end you might be guessing as to why they went to all this trouble to come to such an obvious conclusion but it’s in the myriad of weird mind games that the players keep to themselves where the heart and mind of this movie lies. Their world is a suspenseful place of nerdy yet dangerous loners. It’s all about the secrecy… perhaps too much so. Deliberate and slow paced, Tinker delivers spies with existential angst. I left this movie thinking it was boring, but as I look back on how it was made, what happened and how intriguing it all was, I think it might be better than I initially gave it credit. I just might have to see it again. Damn it.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Starring Gary Oldman, John Hurt, Mark Strong, Toby Jones, Ciarán Hinds, Colin Firth, Tom Hardy
Directed by Tomas Alfredson
Rated R
3 stars

Jingle Bells, Santa Smells, Aliens are on Their Way

The Darkest Hour is a dreary yet hilarious hour and a half
By Morgan P Salvo

The genius in opening a movie like this on X-mas day is it gives somebody like me a chance to see something a little more on the creepy side instead of family-friendly Spielberg saturated over produced holiday schlock.
I didn’t think I’d like this movie and (believe it or not) this curmudgeon actually really always wants to like the movie he sees. Plus you know you’re in trouble when the 3D movie is in one the complex’s smaller theatres
The Darkest Hour takes seconds for one to realize that this is a movie that’s going to cut corners…practically all of them. A quick set-up with the two main characters as nightclub web entrepreneurs (Emile Hirsch, Max Minghella) includes male bonding, trickery, deceit and scoring chicks in a hot Moscow night club. Then after those ten minutes have passed the aliens invade and we have a compilation of every cliché stolen from every end of the world, alien invasion, apocalyptic, doom and destruction movie ever made. That’s right Darkest Hour gets no points for originality but I had no idea how truly “suck-you-into-the-void-of-another-dimension-bad” this movie is. Good news is that after a while it gets pretty darn laughable.

Yes the world has come to an end at least in Moscow and the few survivors must pass through the city searching for help and/or a way out battling the lightning bolt entities that float around stalking the remaining humans with their thermal-heat anatomy-sensing Terminator/ Predator-like scope vision. And here’s where it gets funny: when the key to their demise is found, they are exposed as a spider-like metallic skull demon in a gyroscope. I’m not even kidding.
DH’s 3D is kind of secondary but at least it’s really shot in Russia .And what’s with director Chris Gorak coming off the heels of the critically acclaimed Right at Your Door and producer Timur Bekmambetov known for directing the ultra visionary movies Nighwatch, DayWatch and Wanted slumming it for a movie that won’t even be a sleeper hits? It just might induce sleep. But the kill scenes are good fun with people vaporizing like in the Wesley Snipes Blade flicks but no blood or guts just particles. We get scratched-surfaced characters like the old bearded electronics wizard that makes a ray gun out of microwaves, or the homeless Russian waif and as far fetched as it gets the most entertaining were the Russian road warrior survivor types bent on existing only to honorably self destruct or be heroes or both.
This flick has horribly beautiful people spouting really wretched dialogue stuck in a movie they can’t act their way out of. Actually there is no real acting, just pretending and some out pretend and over pretend more than others. Hirsch (Into the Wild/Milk) acts like it’s his first movie as an adult and can’t quite make the transition.
The weirdest part is how unexplained these electrical entities are. I mean it’s a good thing this movie is short due its lack of intelligence but if DH had been a little longer the filmmakers could’ve added to the science fiction aspect by having some half-ass 50’s era scientific explanation to all this inter galactic nonsense .Seriously? Electrical charges that house metallic demon heads hunting down innocent humans? I guess I’ve seen worse. Still…
I suppose there’s’ no harm no foul when a generic flick like this comes out with its ready- whipped apocalyptic end of the world scenario where heroes are born and secondary characters get vaporized. Merry Christmas.

The Darkest Hour
Starring Emile Hirsch, Olivia Thirlby, Max Minghella, Rachael Taylor, Joel Kinnaman,
Directed by Chris Gorak
Rated PG-13
2 stars