Burned Out

Flame off: Lukewarm storyline and lazy 3D knocks out all the fire power
By Morgan P Salvo



Just as in his last ghostly outing, Drive Angry, Nicholas Cage tries to ruin this movie every step of the way, but this time he has help. His mundane take on acting is surpassed by the dismal directing by two of the most innovative filmmakers to date, Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, as they drop the fiery ball big time. The fun that is supposed to be had in Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance is lost entirely. This flick held high expectations, yet sadly, it flat out sucks.
The plot tries to stay true to Marvel Comics’ original idea with its various takes on Ghost Rider’s origin. As Johnny Blaze (Cage) hides out in Eastern Europe, he is called upon by a wine guzzling priest (Idris Elba) to stop the devil, who is trying to take human form in the likes of a boy. And forget about my theory on haunted house movies sucking, my new theory is anything with a boy in it sucks. Cage rampages hither and yon on his lame quest to find the boy and fight evil doers in an attempt to lift his demonic curse.
This flick is shockingly boring.Everyone is basically stuck in an overdone, highly unoriginal race against satanic doomsday. This hackneyed plot steals from The Fury and The Omen. I should’ve known it would be bad since David S. Goyer wrote the story and is responsible for three movies I found repellent: Jumper, The Unborn, and The Dark Knight.

Cage’s narration is somewhat peppy for his usual hangdog monosyllabic babble and his acting is a baby step above his usual posing. But he spends way too much time without his goddamned head on fire lumbering around in his 70’s Elvis leather duds like he has a red hot poker up his butt. Idris has fun with his rambunctious performance, but Johnny Whitworth has the best time as sadistic Ray Carrigan who obtains the power to make things decay, reducing people to Stove Top stuffing mix. A gratuitous Christopher Lambert as an evil priest/monk with graffiti tattooed on his face gives the best (and shortest) performance of his career. Ciarán Hinds looks funny with half his face melting and Violante Placido does nothing sexy or “actiony” enough to please anyone.
Speaking of heads on fire, there is way too much fiery skull screaming while all action stands still and the villains ponder WTF is with that darn flaming motorcycle? The first fight scene shows shades of things to come as all fiery battle sequences are undecipherable. The PG-13 rating works against the subject matter as every time tension builds and it looks like heads will explode it’s either done off screen or from far away.

Let’s blame the directors. Responsible for Crank and Crank 2, these guys have made some of the most pleasing eye candy action flicks ever made. Even Gamer was a fun-packed adventure and sociological skewer of the media. But Neveldine and Taylor seem just plain lazy here. This is definitely like a bad Jonah Hex hangover (a flick they started and walked away from). At least this movie will please the 10-12 year old male demographic.
Not utilizing 3D to any decent capacity, every chance for shit to fly at your head is extinguished in these tepid animated sequences. There’s more energy packed in five minutes of Crank than this entire movie. My expectations were high from a special preview wherein I saw Taylor being pulled by a strap on rollerblades to get some wildly cool shots that must’ve hit the editing floor.
I’m sure N & T were happy to get a paycheck and cash in on the phenomenon that is Nicolas Cage There are a few BS touching scenes. Nick gets to cry and everyone gets to shoot stuff. There’s way too much yakking and too much mythology on the boy and Johnny Blaze.
The directing team pulls out some tricks from their repertoire but not enough to justify the uninspired flick they dish out. The fiery motorcycle looks cool yet the Mad Max/Road Warrior ending is cut too short. You would think with these filmmakers’ résumé at least the ending credits would be fun to watch, but even they are lackluster.
Basically this movie is a bunch of bad ideas poorly executed. After the smoke clears we’re stuck with no real pay off, a waste of time and an even worse memory.The things a nice high powered fire extinguisher would’ve accomplished...
Oh well, ashes to ashes….

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
Starring Nicholas Cage, Idris Elba, Ciarán Hinds, Violante Placido, Johnny Whitworth
Directed by Mark Neveldine, Brian Taylor
Rated PG-13
1 ½ stars