Trickery and Deceit

 Snow White and the Huntsman is too Grimm for it’s own good

By Morgan P Salvo

June brings us Snow White and the Huntsman, the second Show White movie installment of the year. Unlike its earlier counterpart Mirror Mirror the actual line of “who is the fairest of them all” is uttered and unlike Mirror’s attempt at wit and coming off like a bad cartoon, Snow White and the Huntsman comes off like a combo of Lord of the Rings, Time Bandits and Apocalypse Now (okay, maybe one scene).

The reinventing of the familiar plot has the evil queen (Charlize Theron) holed up in her castle fighting age off with a frenzy, sucking air out of young maidens or plucking life out of handsome stable boys hearts with her talons. Then there’s a mirror (looking like a big Zildjan cymbal) that tells her she’s still the fairest. That is until the mirror designates an imprisoned Snow White (Kristen Stewart). Snow escapes, the Queen’s sadistic brother (Sam Spruell) is dispatched to find her, a brave yet drunken Huntsman (Chris Hemsworth) protects her, along with despicable hobo-like dwarves found along the way. Then it’s a journey back to the land where Snow comes from, rally up the banished troops to takeover the evil castle. All the while the Queen doth age and uses all her evil sorcery to thwart Snow White’s efforts. We all know how this will end, with good triumphant over evil, but its fun to see how the fable is either distilled or ramped up. However this flick is merely a boring quest saga peppered with adventure and at times meant to please Twilight fans and worshippers of Hemsworth’s hunkdom.

First time Director Sanders shuns his past of making commercials, creating a vision like Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood or Game of Thrones with a non-stop onslaught of different lands and sets of CGI greatness. There’s an impressive Dark Forest with its twisting gnarled branches, nasty monstrous troll and clams that ooze motor oil. The Enchanted Forest is something altogether spectacular with its fairies, mushrooms-with-bulging- eyeballs and a stag-like creature with tree branches for horns. This is a psychedelic Disney-like fairyland that’s looks like H.R. Pufnstuf on acid. 

Trickery and deceit is at the base of this movie and following suit the PG-13 doesn’t work for cinematic battle scenes. We need to see at least one spray of blood or a lopped off head. Wisely to overcome this burden some of the black army are just a weird conglomeration of obsidian meshed together to form fighting soldiers that when sliced by sword shatter and explode.

Another similarity between the two flicks is that both have Academy Award winning actresses to play the wicked Queen: coincidence or challenge? Wherein Julia Roberts was scurrying about spouting ineffective one-liners, Theron holds her ground and emanates evil from her various perches. Although both actresses have a field day with this role, Theron, is betrayed by some unworthy dialogue rendering her merely adequate. Stewart’s rallying of the troops monologue is also laughably weak, but to Stewart’s credit she actually smiles and only bites her lip once (that I noticed). Hemsworth, trading his Thor hammer for an axe, didn’t bother me so much as he is perfectly cast. But he has to do something about that permanent scowl. Spruell (sporting an evil blonde Prince Valiant haircut) is a formidable villain wreaking havoc on the sojourn.

As with Mirror, the seven dwarves are the best thing. Drawing heavily from the Lord Of The Rings influence the dwarves are played by a slew of barely recognizable actors in flawless CGI fitted dwarf bodies. It’s a laugh riot to discern British actors like Ian McShane, Bob Hoskins, Ray Winstone, Nick Frost, Toby Jones and Eddie Marsan through this CGI extravaganza. Still, I liked that Mirror actually used little people.

Using some of the original Grimm ideology with the poison apple signifying temptation and the relationship between queen and brother might be more that just sibling love, this flick tells a decent story that’s still good for the kids, though there were WAY more kids at Mirror than this.

Thankfully the love story isn’t handled all mushy and corny as in Mirror, in fact SWATH keeps the love interest at bay which is refreshing. It’s actually about more important things like storming the castle than “let’s make out”. Yet... This flick is Way too deadly serious  there is a lot of crying in this movie--- you know the kind where you watch someone’s sad face until a tear or two slide down their face. I think Denzel started all this in Glory. Hell there’s more crying in this movie than the first Spiderman, and that’s a lot.

Where Mirror was a slow-paced dimwitted waste of time Huntsman’s slow moving speed is deliberate with its storytelling. Even though there are moments of greatness in this flick, it still lacked oomph. I think there’s an even greater film within these intentions still waiting to be made.

In the end this flick is a more adult version than the cute predecessor, and Grimm’s mythology is messed with more clearly. Still Snow and Huntsman lacks the punch to send it into the heights of memorable. I’m already getting hazy on the memory except for the acidy flashback of The Enchanted Forest.

 

Snow White and the Huntsman

Starring Kristen Stewart, Charlize Theron, Chris Hemsworth, Sam Spruell

Directed by Rupert Sanders

Rated PG-13

2 stars