Cruise Control

 Predictability comes off loud and clear, mostly loud in this Mission Incomprehensible

by Morgan P Salvo

Okay, I have to admit that on my drive to the theatre I was semi-excited about the IMAX experience, looking forward to hyper-realistic stunts and fist fights. Once in the theater I was told by a blank screen to prepare for “the full IMAX immersion”. I sat back ready for the eye candy. Well, it’s clear enough and plenty loud (in fact one guy in the audience yelled to turn it down a notch), but once the crystalline dust settled and my eyes focused, I seriously didn’t notice any difference from a regular movie theatre experience. Then glaring me square in the face was this entity called Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol to deal with.
This Mission Impossible follows the TV show’s prototype with the familiar theme music blaring through the credits, morphing into one big formulaic end-of-the-world chase-fest that really goes nowhere fast even though the people in this thing move pretty quickly. Cruise is back as Ethan Hunt going for the glory and gusto in an international pursuit to stop nuclear warheads from detonating. Yep it’s a race against time.
From the get-go the odds are against the MI team as malfunctions keep them at death’s door, but this is clearly not Mission “We-can’t-do-it”. The simplistic plot has no major twists or turns but some major holes. The flick tries to make up for it with some decent tension and intercutting of scenes but mainly we’ve seen all before. It’s all about the stunts, slug-fests, explosions and car chases.
Let’s talk directors for a minute. First there was Brian DePalma and the “big train scene”, then John Woo showing off his unique camera work. Up next was J. J. Abrams (Lost) going for a lot of zest. New director Brad Bird honed his chops as an animator (The Incredibles, Iron Giant) and shows some decent skills here as the action segues into even more action amidst exotic locales.
As far as evil villain history goes, following in the dastardly footsteps of Jon Voight, Dougray Scott, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman, newest villain Michael Nyqvist has about three lines as we all get to recognize him from the original Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series. Even though they’re tough guy spies, it’s fairly ludicrous seeing Cruise and Nyqvist punch each other senseless.
Some tongue and cheek humor are lost here, however, with Cruise at the helm as actor and producer. He commands too much seriousness from all involved and not enough levity. The daredevils aren’t portrayed as adrenaline junkies, as much as pure adrenaline itself.
The acting ranges from adequate to horrible to a terrible waste of time and talent. Jeremy Renner, whose character I thought was going to have nice twist, instead becomes the inevitable troubled sidekick. Simon Pegg (Shaun Of the Dead/Paul) offers tepid non-comic relief and Paula Patton (Precious/Mirrors) is the sexpot, plain and simple. Cruise has aged into this role and is way too stern for his own good. The shot of him grimacing and running his gazillion dollar ass off toward the camera with a Dubai dust storm descending upon him is hilarious. He means it. We know it’s fake. Go figure. I can’t believe I’m saying this but it would’ve helped Tom’s overall appeal if he had pulled from his Cruise-lite Knight and Day persona.
Proving way too corny, when someone says “what we are headed for is nuclear war” the never ending soundtrack actually hits a low piano note for extra drama. Sure there are some astonishing special effects, the Dubai Tower window-crawling human-fly stunts and the Buster Keaton-like final fight scene with cars and elevators are cool, and I’ll give an extra star to any movie with the line, “abort the warhead”, but the end gets all touchy-feely super cute and made me want to vomit. Yet I’m sure a lot of people will like this neatly sewn up ending leading into the next sequel possibly entitled Mission Deplorable: Siege of Stupidity.
It’s hard to fathom that it’s been 15 years since DePalma had Cruise riding that train in a tunnel to ignite this franchise that prompted Cruise to run with it. I heard MI4 was more team less Cruise but that’s not the case. That would truly have been an impossible mission--- keeping Cruise out of the spotlight.


Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol
Starring Tom Cruise, Paula Patton, Jeremy Renner, Simon Pegg, Michael Nyqvist
Directed by Brad Bird
Rated PG-13
2 stars