Hoping against hope, my movie going experience proves more entertaining than Creature’s proof that they really don’t make them like they used to
By Morgan P Salvo
New horror movies give me hope. I had high hopes for this flick and for a while it seemed like my prayers had been answered but to my severe dismay this movie couldn’t live up to its potential.
It’s funny that when your dreams are shattered early on something else comes along to take the place. The best part by far was my movie theatre experience. Right when Creature’s big climatic shit is about to hit the fan the film stopped, flinched a little, then burns into a big char hole on the screen shutting everything down. No, this was not Rodriguez/Tarantino’s Grindhouse techno splicing tomfoolery this was an honest to god mistake. I had to go tell the help in the theatre that the film was screwed up. But this gives me a new kind of hope--- that theaters have projectors to show films that are still shot on film and people to bolt in to fix the problem. Ten minutes emergency time and the projectionist gave me and the other guy in the theatre the thumbs up and we were off to see how wretched the ending really was going to be. Until film turns to all digital there’s’ still hope for a good time at the movies.
Creature has special treat, guilty pleasure, drive-in homage all stamped into its very existence and very well could be all of those things if it kept up with its own ideas. What it is, is a cheesy lame excruciatingly cheap movie with no soul and one ridiculous disjointed scene after anotherreature begins with initial promise: in about the first 30 seconds a chick takes off her top goes inexplicably (like all good/bad horror movies) skinny dipping in the middle of a swampy bayou and in the next minute there’s alligator chomping gore. A road trip for three couples goes awry when they take a shortcut into bayou Weird-town and the creepy legend of Lockjaw— the man gator (A cross between a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and Pumpkin Head). Main problem here is Lockjaw is always shown in the dark and hard to see But not so for the road trip people. The couples, one just as irritating as the next, are formed from the depths of stereo-typicality. We have the practical joker, serious token black dude, beer guzzling marine, slut, stoner slut and prude-turned-slut. You can’t help but to root for each of their demise.
Taking the low-budget route Creature’s blood-letting action takes place off camera with splattery sound effects while people either get sprayed with blood or wield a bloody stump. To Make matters worse National Geographic type footage is used for shots of alligators clumsily edited into each gator scene. Skewered by too much dialogue it does however bring back my other unfulfilled wish: creepy psycho inbred hillbillies. Headed by Sid Haig (reprising his Captain Spalding antics from House of 1000 corpses) and Pruitt Vince-Taylor channeling Neville Brand in Eaten Alive, this array of backwoods numbskulls gives Creature its spunk. While I am thrilled that something this bad made it to the theaters its mind boggling. Creature really belongs on a shelf in a DVD rental store. Although it feels somewhat futile and even masochistic to derive any pleasure from something this cheesy, and I can’t recommend sitting through this one, as bad as Creature is it’s all one can hope for.
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CREATURE
Starring Mehcad Brooks, Serinda Swan, Dillon Casey, Lauren Schneider, Aaron Hill
Director: Fred M. Andrews
Rated R
2 ½ stars
Hoping against hope, my movie going experience proves more entertaining than Creature’s proof that they really don’t make them like they used to
Creature has special treat, guilty pleasure, drive-in homage all stamped into its very existence and very well could be all of those things if it kept up with its own ideas. What it is, is a cheesy lame excruciatingly cheap movie with no soul and one ridiculous disjointed scene after anotherreature begins with initial promise: in about the first 30 seconds a chick takes off her top goes inexplicably (like all good/bad horror movies) skinny dipping in the middle of a swampy bayou and in the next minute there’s alligator chomping gore. A road trip for three couples goes awry when they take a shortcut into bayou Weird-town and the creepy legend of Lockjaw— the man gator (A cross between a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and Pumpkin Head). Main problem here is Lockjaw is always shown in the dark and hard to see But not so for the road trip people. The couples, one just as irritating as the next, are formed from the depths of stereo-typicality. We have the practical joker, serious token black dude, beer guzzling marine, slut, stoner slut and prude-turned-slut. You can’t help but to root for each of their demise. 
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