Ouch That Hurts!

Run of the mill punch fest loses its footing
by Morgan P Salvo

I have a few problems with this movie. First off when you call something "haywire" we really shouldn’t wait the entire movie to find out that nobody goes haywire. I mean if you call something “”Boycott or “Slaughter” you will probably see either of those things happen. Such is not the case with Haywire, Steven Soderbergh’s newest foray into action/espionage.
I’m a fan of Soderbergh. I liked Ocean’s 11-13 and I like the guts he has to make films such as major epics (Che), low budget art movies (The Girlfriend Experience, Bubble) or the criminally overlooked Kafka. He always seems to be redefining genres and putting his intellectual slant on things, but not here. Sure there’s a cool snazzy-jazz soundtrack and exotic locales but with no real shocks Haywire is a mediocre flick that feels contrived and clichéd .The best thing about the entire movie is the stunning camera work. It’s freakin’ awesome.
The acting debut of martial arts mistress Gina Carano shows promise playing a spy-gone-rogue and victim of an elaborate double-cross. But this take on Bourne Identity with a heroine is nothing special, containing no real originality at all. She runs, she fights, she shoots, and she kicks. There are three fight scenes with the leading men in this glorified showcase for Carano’s fighting skills. The first slug-fest with boyfriend Channing Tatum comes out of nowhere and is kind of Van Damme-ish. The second (and best) is with Michael Fassbender boasting high energy punching and weapon yielding. But the final rock ‘em sock ‘em with Ewan McGregor is laughable. These actors obviously did their own stunts against the terror fighting machine that is Carano so we don’t expect much but McGregor punches like a wimp even throughout valiant editing.

The other actors are reduced to cameo characterizations and should all have been referred to as they appear: Antonio “Beardy” Banderas, Michal “Old Wrinkle Puss” Douglas, Channing “Thick Neck” Tatum –you get the picture. I look forward to seeing Carano again, fighting skills be damned.
The timing seems off in almost every scene. Anytime Haywire gets stretched for dramatic pause, the music kicks in to give it more pizzazz but that only works for a while. It’s too bad because the last thing I want to say about a Soderbergh movie is that it’s predictable but sadly Haywire is just that, especially the moronic final scene.

Soderbergh delivers Haywire somewhere between mainstream and straight to video. I suppose the main surprise is that even dealing with a very simplistic plot the director decides to spell it out for us in needless reminder flashbacks. It seems he’s done this movie before and much better with mainstream entries like Out of Sight, The Limey. Soderbergh’s highly acclaimed Traffic won him a best director Academy Award and left an indelible mark in cinematic history yet Haywire doesn’t feel clever or willing to take chances, it’s lazy. With all the talent onboard this generic movie is unforgivable. Soderbergh keeps announcing his retirement from films altogether… maybe it’s time. The only thing going haywire is my mental status as to why after this fairly dispensable chunk of film was even made.


Haywire

Staring Gina Carano, Ewan McGregor, Michael Fassbender, Antonio Banderas, Channing Tatum, Michael Douglas
Directed by Steven Soderbergh
Rated R
2 ½ stars

Low End Chills and Thrills

Finally Iceland to get noticed for more than Bjork


By Morgan P Salvo

Now that it’s common knowledge that our movie going experience is inundated with remakes from all kinds of genres I was frightfully leery of this Contraband starring Mark Wahlberg to be the updated Lucio Fulci splatter fest Italian gangster flick of the same name. Well there might be some miniscule similarities, but the Italian Maestro’s film is left unscathed. Turns out Icelandic director Baltasar Kormákur decided instead to remake his 2008 flick Reykjavik-Rotterdam.
This Contraband is a general mess on a very mediocre trajectory. Something definitely gets lost in translation from Iceland as its American counterpart is a generic pile of muddle. Still it’s not as bad as I thought it would be, possibly due to Kormákur’s (Jar City /A Little Trip to Heaven) weirdly laid back style that builds little tension over a long period of time with tiny spurts of action interspersed between odd performances.
The plot is extremely old hat: ex-thief-turned-straight (Wahlberg) must do “one last job” in order to save his brother-in-law (Caleb Laundry Jones). The smuggling takes place on a barge where all the “caper-gone-wrong:” trouble ensues. With a really unforgivable ending and loopholes you could sail the barge through, this has fairly harmless action with about a gazillion f-bombs. The banal script offers no imaginative scenes and grates heavy on the somber mood. The classic lines of “I know what I’m doing” and “nothing will go wrong” are actually uttered.
Speaking of bombs, Giovanni Ribissi once again goes into extreme cartoon mode as the ultra slime-ball mosquito in your ear (and face), irritating rather than entertaining, Ben Foster is only adequate, Kate Beckinsale is filler and Wahlberg helps his performance by keeping his whiny voice in a lower octave and cursing every other word. There’s also the villain David O’Hara that damn Scottish guy with the super gravel voice. Plus once you see the camaraderie between Foster and Wahlberg you know Foster will either die or betray--- it’s that predictable
I have never seen a movie where people blurt out the word that should be kept under wraps, in this case “smuggling”. In inopportune moments characters brag about it like it’s the coolest thing ever. ”You guys were the “Lennon and McCartney of smuggling”, “Hey what are you doing--- smuggling or something?” I wouldn’t have been surprised if someone said, “What’s that in the bag …smuggled stuff?”
In Reykjavik-Rotterdam, Kormákur starred in the Wahlberg role. That might be worth a look, as I’m sure the Icelandic take on it is far more bleak therefore more interesting. Contraband’s attempt at art-house minimalism is present and with the weird pace and fragmented direction, all in all it wasn’t the worst way to spend the afternoon. Still, go see Fulci’s Contraband. That sucker will change your life.
My favorite part of Contraband was the preview for Ghost Rider 2, I know what you’re thinking it has Nicolas Cage in it…but Neveldine and Taylor are directing and it looks mighty awesome so stay tuned.


Contraband
Starring Mark Wahlberg, Kate Beckinsale, Giovanni Ribisi, Ben Foster, Directed by Baltasar Kormákur
Rated R
2 ½ stars

Secrets, Lies and Details Matter

Welcome to the ultimate thinking man’s spy flick
By Morgan P Salvo



Cerebral, that’s the first word that comes to mind in describing Tinker Tailor Solider Spy. And that was the last word echoing in my brain as I left the theatre. Problem with cerebral on film as opposed to cerebral in print is that it’s harder to convey the feeling of something going on in someone’s head when nothing is going on onscreen. A book can go into detail about what someone is feeling and/or thinking, but long takes of people’s expressions does not make mind readers out of an audience. With little dialogue, this is a movie that benefits those who have read the book. At least that’s what I’m told by people who hail the book as a masterpiece.

Based on John LeCarré’s classic 1974 novel, the film version leaves something to be desired. The actors are all superlative, especially Gary Oldman (getting his due by finally carrying a movie with this much weight), but when very little is going on onscreen it’s very hard to decipher what the hell is motivating any of these spies. I know they’re supposed to be secretive but this is overkill. With a very simple plot that’s not built out of your basic twisty-turny super espionage, it’s all about the inner workings of spies’ brains. Luckily I was fortunate to see most of the BBC mini-series staring Alec Guinness that delved a little deeper over time to tell the story in a relaxed, coherent manner and gave me a chance to soak in all the characters a little better. The 2011 version crams a lot of mental chess playing and secretive inner turmoil into the space of two hours, and the result is like watching paint dry.
TTSS is all about a spy who comes in from the cold (coincidently another LeCarré novel and subsequent movie) to expose a mole among his peers. George Smiley (Oldman) has been retired from British Intelligence for about a year when he is asked to find out which one of the men in the senior ranks of his old agency referred to as “The Circus” is a mole, aka a Russian spy. Without official access to any of the files or letting on that anyone is under suspicion and only a few old friends, Smiley must unearth the spy with his own powers of deduction and secrecy as his weapon. You know, spy stuff.
Compiling a few decent gore scenes, the only tension filled scene is the stealing of a folder containing revealing spy documents from a secret spy library. But the coolest thing about movie is the way it looks. This is the English-language debut of Swedish director Tomas Alfredson, who directed 2008's bleak anti-Twilight vampire movie, Let the Right One In. His visual style creeps into everything. With freezing sweeps of cold grim bleakness Alfredson impeccably captures the Cold War era, the intrigue of international espionage and the repercussions of betrayal.
Tinker also boasts a British cast that is without a doubt the most impressive thespian ensemble of any movie this year. Tom Hardy (quickly becoming one of my favorite actors of all time) fills in the most animated character and dependable Marc Strong has a central reoccurring role that will keep you guessing. Above all Gary Oldman is mesmerizing. What he does with his voice, delivery and cold stare is a marvel to behold. The rest (Toby Jones, Ciarán Hinds, Colin Firth) just sort of sit and stew as the chess pieces they’ve become neutralized to in this cat and mouse slow motion game. These spies are not cut from the dashing James Bond cloth. These guys are geeky intellectual stiff-upper-lip Brit operatives who fly under the radar.

In the end you might be guessing as to why they went to all this trouble to come to such an obvious conclusion but it’s in the myriad of weird mind games that the players keep to themselves where the heart and mind of this movie lies. Their world is a suspenseful place of nerdy yet dangerous loners. It’s all about the secrecy… perhaps too much so. Deliberate and slow paced, Tinker delivers spies with existential angst. I left this movie thinking it was boring, but as I look back on how it was made, what happened and how intriguing it all was, I think it might be better than I initially gave it credit. I just might have to see it again. Damn it.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Starring Gary Oldman, John Hurt, Mark Strong, Toby Jones, Ciarán Hinds, Colin Firth, Tom Hardy
Directed by Tomas Alfredson
Rated R
3 stars

Jingle Bells, Santa Smells, Aliens are on Their Way

The Darkest Hour is a dreary yet hilarious hour and a half
By Morgan P Salvo

The genius in opening a movie like this on X-mas day is it gives somebody like me a chance to see something a little more on the creepy side instead of family-friendly Spielberg saturated over produced holiday schlock.
I didn’t think I’d like this movie and (believe it or not) this curmudgeon actually really always wants to like the movie he sees. Plus you know you’re in trouble when the 3D movie is in one the complex’s smaller theatres
The Darkest Hour takes seconds for one to realize that this is a movie that’s going to cut corners…practically all of them. A quick set-up with the two main characters as nightclub web entrepreneurs (Emile Hirsch, Max Minghella) includes male bonding, trickery, deceit and scoring chicks in a hot Moscow night club. Then after those ten minutes have passed the aliens invade and we have a compilation of every cliché stolen from every end of the world, alien invasion, apocalyptic, doom and destruction movie ever made. That’s right Darkest Hour gets no points for originality but I had no idea how truly “suck-you-into-the-void-of-another-dimension-bad” this movie is. Good news is that after a while it gets pretty darn laughable.

Yes the world has come to an end at least in Moscow and the few survivors must pass through the city searching for help and/or a way out battling the lightning bolt entities that float around stalking the remaining humans with their thermal-heat anatomy-sensing Terminator/ Predator-like scope vision. And here’s where it gets funny: when the key to their demise is found, they are exposed as a spider-like metallic skull demon in a gyroscope. I’m not even kidding.
DH’s 3D is kind of secondary but at least it’s really shot in Russia .And what’s with director Chris Gorak coming off the heels of the critically acclaimed Right at Your Door and producer Timur Bekmambetov known for directing the ultra visionary movies Nighwatch, DayWatch and Wanted slumming it for a movie that won’t even be a sleeper hits? It just might induce sleep. But the kill scenes are good fun with people vaporizing like in the Wesley Snipes Blade flicks but no blood or guts just particles. We get scratched-surfaced characters like the old bearded electronics wizard that makes a ray gun out of microwaves, or the homeless Russian waif and as far fetched as it gets the most entertaining were the Russian road warrior survivor types bent on existing only to honorably self destruct or be heroes or both.
This flick has horribly beautiful people spouting really wretched dialogue stuck in a movie they can’t act their way out of. Actually there is no real acting, just pretending and some out pretend and over pretend more than others. Hirsch (Into the Wild/Milk) acts like it’s his first movie as an adult and can’t quite make the transition.
The weirdest part is how unexplained these electrical entities are. I mean it’s a good thing this movie is short due its lack of intelligence but if DH had been a little longer the filmmakers could’ve added to the science fiction aspect by having some half-ass 50’s era scientific explanation to all this inter galactic nonsense .Seriously? Electrical charges that house metallic demon heads hunting down innocent humans? I guess I’ve seen worse. Still…
I suppose there’s’ no harm no foul when a generic flick like this comes out with its ready- whipped apocalyptic end of the world scenario where heroes are born and secondary characters get vaporized. Merry Christmas.

The Darkest Hour
Starring Emile Hirsch, Olivia Thirlby, Max Minghella, Rachael Taylor, Joel Kinnaman,
Directed by Chris Gorak
Rated PG-13
2 stars