Silence of the Cameras

Things that go bump at the camera are running their course
By Morgan P Salvo


Have you ever watched one of those Ghost Hunter paranormal TV shows? Me neither. I’ve tried, but it just doesn’t interest me to watch a bunch of pansy-ass nerds walking around with a bunch of gizmos acting all scared and ready to piss their pants around every corner. Maybe if they actually pissed their pants we’d have something. They might have - like I said, I’ve never made it through a whole episode. I wish I could say the same about the Paranormal Activity franchise. The third installment is now crushing it at the box office and all I can say is that I miss Saw. At least the Saw franchise is an intricate series - we know it continues from the one before and perfectly sets up the next installment. This Paranormal 3 is just a repetition of the same tricks, only ever so slightly embellishing on the last hand held camera “found footage” scare-fest. But scary tricks aside, this is still a one way ticket to Dullsville.
It’s no secret that I absolutely detested the first Paranormal. I skipped the second one and even though everyone said it was way better and scarier than the first (not a tough achievement) I highly doubt it, though it did have things I find scary in it, like babies. This third installment brings all the same supremely irritating qualities because it’s basically the same movie with different people in it. Seriously why continue having more annoying characters with idiotic supernatural plights?
Once again, a family suspects a threatening, supernatural presence has invaded their home so they begin to videotape themselves around the clock in hopes of capturing proof. This takes place in 1988 and is supposed to enlighten us as to why the sisters from the previous films have demons on their tails. Oddly, the footage in this prequel looks like it was shot on digital, with none of the VHS lines that would have existed from 1988, and it blows bazooka holes into the premise of the first two movies. If the sisters had been video taped essentially their whole life you’d think that, instead of constantly being documented, they’d finally throw in the ghostly towel or be wise enough to start one of those aforementioned TV shows where they get paid to almost piss their pants.
This time around the producers reeled in co-directors Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman whose first feature was 2010's questionable social-media “real life” mystery Catfish. I have to admit that a couple of the tricks they use are kind of cool (like the oscillating fan cam) and some of the jolt scares are way better than anything the predecessors came up with.
But the big glaring fault in P3 is that, with indisputable proof for what’s been going on in the house, it still takes forever for anything to really happen and an eternity for the characters to get a clue and then of course it’s too late and time for the movie to end with a big scary bang.
It’s amazing that anyone can fall for this ultra cheap super manipulative trick of demons and “found footage” again and again. I guess it’s like riding the carnival funhouse torture dungeon ride, you want to be scared so you get to be scared…plain and simple. The franchise’s brilliance is that it’s so cheap and yet so effective. I think it has to do with our Reality TV quick fix mentality. This movie preys on our childhood fears of the unknown and only gives us one kind of scare. Here the audience gets to stare at the camera footage of a room while some furniture gets thrown around, some doors open, and somebody stands in one place for really long. Then there’s some really loud bangs and clumping noises, as we wait for something to pop out of nowhere for a jolt-scare. Add amateurish fast forwards, jump cut and shaky camera work and formula is complete.
The one thing that is I found impressive and totally mind boggling is that the first Paranormal Activity cost just $15,000—the price of a used 2008 Honda Accord (or so I’m told) and the film went on to earn nearly $108 million at the U.S. box office and $194 million worldwide. Completely undeserved in my book but that’s another story. Update as of Sunday night P3 has raked in $54 million. Hmmm… I guess I might start making them too. YET....Anyone can make these movies in their sleep

Treading on thin ice, the threadbare premise of this franchise is just about worn past transparency. But PA3 dutifully sets things up for the next installment. One doesn’t need any kind of séance to determine that it will probably arrive around next Halloween. With the intention solely to make audiences piss their pants maybe the gimmick for Paranormal 4 will be to hand out diapers in the theatre. Saw, I beg of you, please come back.


Subnormal Stupidity--oh I mean...Paranormal Activity 3
Starring Chloe Csengery, Jessica Tyler Brown, Lauren Bittner, Christopher Nicholas Smith
Directed by: Henry Joost, Ariel Schulman
Rated R