by Morgan P Salvo
I have a confession to make. Sometimes when no one’s looking, I’ll force myself to watch a romantic comedy just to see how much I can take before retching. It’s never very long. Like watching a bad accident my mouth hangs open and I begin to wonder what is not only wrong with actors, writers and directors but the world at large. Something is amiss in this vacuum they call Rom Coms. The most recent flicks I attempted were The Ugly Truth and Couples Retreat resulting in my almost committing Hari Kari. I just cannot get a handle on this formulaic crud that happy ending love stories are made of. Fairy Tales do not come true. What works for some decapitates another. So I figured the only way to get through Larry Crowne without hurting myself or anyone in a five mile radius was to make it a date night with my darn fiancé. Well here’s the deal. Neither of us liked it. Larry Crowne is probably the blandest uninventive movie I think I’ve ever seen. It reeks of laziness and bad timing. Now I like Tom Hanks. He’s a sharp witty guy but cute. And here in this movie about a non college educated man losing his job thanks to the financial situation while suffering a mid-life crisis who finally gets around to reinventing himself, Hanks as director/co-writer and star handles everything way too cute. I’ve been racking my brain trying to remember if Tom Hanks has ever said “fuck” in a movie.Besides that we have hand picked character actors and Julia Roberts as Julia Roberts serving as the most misguided and unbelievable love interest.
Larry Crowne’s previews sell the feel good aspect of this move and even though they prepared me for blandness I had no idea that this movie would be propelled by mediocrity. Creating one of the weirdest screen vacuums I have ever witnessed in my movie going experiences, beyond the previews there’s nothing else in this movie. We are left guessing as to what motivates virtually everyone on this flick. Hanks even finds a way to drop the ball with the comedy gold casting of George Takei (Star Trek’s Zulu)
Larry Crowne is the most superficially overdone concept hitting the theatre to date. I cannot even get a handle on what age bracket or target demographic the filmmakers were trying to reach. It seems Hanks is out of touch. With all his Hollywood money he’s attempting to make a statement that no matter what, change can happen even in this over achieving financially doomed climate .Every single scene is handled in slow motion while submerged in a sugary sweet version of fairy tale love and the bettering of one’s self. The weak classroom scenes have no character development. There is no growth; all characters are underdeveloped and never explored. This movie screams out for cursing and nudity. The closest it gets is Bryan (Breaking Bad) Cranston’s character looking at bikini topped internet babes woefully referred to as porn surfing.
Crowne’s witty, charming and “ha-hah we’re all learning and having fun” façade scares me. I start to feel nauseous like someone slipped me a foul tasting slow acting poison. No one can juggle this much inanely kooky and planned out dialogue in the real world. Everything about Larry’s fairy tale of self-reinvention in a mired economy rings hollow and shockingly unconvincing. This movie made me feel queasy. I know Hanks has an electric car which makes him hip but he’s asleep at the wheel here. Tom not only drops the ball but smashes it into the earth and covers it with a milksop’s, milquetoast’s wet blanket. Meandering and tone deaf this is the most vacant movie devoid of anything concrete to entertain. Some of the most forced hideous dialogue comes out of some of the most pancake makeup faces in film history.Move Over Green Hornet, Feel Good Larry Crowne just made worst movie of the year All this flick really boils down to is an empty piece of fluff specifically geared for Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts fans only. And even they will be disappointed. I know my date was.Larry Crowne
Starring Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts,
Directed by Tom Hanks
Rated PG-13
Zero stars
No comments:
Post a Comment