Pain in the Gulliver

Throw Away the Brochure as The newest take on a classic novel is a no-thrill ride
by
Morgan P Salvo

This crazy trend to make 3-D movies these days only pays off if… let me think…it has really cool freakin’ 3-D-looking things popping out at you. The only thing popping out during Jack Black’s insipid new movie Gulliver’s Travels were my eyes in astonishment at how bland, generic and totally sluggish the entire flick on every level.
Sticking only vaguely close to the original novel Lemuel Gulliver (Black) is a lowly mailroom clerk who lies about being a travel writer to impress a woman in the office (Amanda Peet), who then sends him on an assignment in the Bermuda Triangle. After a Perfect Storm-type hurricane, he suddenly finds himself a beached whale and giant among men on the hidden island of Lilliput. The tiny people there are in the midst of a war and have a miniature kingdom to protect. Gulliver is their immediate giant and savior. Then it’s all about Jack Black antics and everyone staying on cruise control. Gulliver’s has the requisite fairy tale scenario: queen, king, princess with suitor-below-her-station, and the evil general vying for the princess’ hand. All the actors playing these roles (Catherine Tate, Billy Connolly, Emily Blunt, Jason Segal, Chris O’Dowd) are usually capable of some entertaining stuff but here in Lilliput they are stuck, meandering in the crosshairs of a dull and lifeless paycheck movie.
In Jonathan Swift's 18th-century classic novel which parodies human nature the Lilliputian theme’s adaptation if handled right is a good moral and just tale, not to mention the religious ramifications of worshipping false idols. The most creative film adaptation was the Preston Sturges directed film Sullivan’s Travels starring Joel McCrea. This flick touched on the subject through a writer’s journey into poverty and seeing that people are all decent and the same no matter what class they are--- rich, poor, white, black, big, small. Here that message is only hinted at by stupid little references --- “it takes a big person to accomplish that”, “there are no small people” etc.
Black’s best role was in Tim Robbins’ Bob Roberts wherein he was actually acting and not playing some sort of extended version of his smarmy self. Here he embarrasses himself every scene he gets. We get the snippet version of Black playing Guitar Hero, urinating on a burning castle, dressing up in a little girl’s doll dress, smirking, dancing like a dolt, using the word “Dude” a lot and easing into essentially doing nothing. Basically we have a severe case of posing here. We get Jack Black lite – I can’t believe I’m saying this, but the movie would have benefitted from his usual over-the-top performance. I know he has kids but does he have to join the rank of actors with children (we’re talking Eddie Murphy here) who play it safe with lousy movies?
Shark Tale's Rob Letterman apparently directs from another room using a script by Nick Stoller (Forgetting Sarah Marshall) and Joe Stillman (Shrek). You’d think with this kind of talent we’d get something more visually substantial and at the very least a few chuckles here and there. Instead we are pummeled by lame pop culture references, a Steam Punk look, a nonsensical Iron Man rip-off, a tiny person’s Kiss concert and a tired and over worked Titanic’s “top of the world” parody. Really this has no place in any movie, adult, kids or otherwise. But the most painful to watch was the horrendously choreographed dance number to Edwin Starr's anti-Vietnam anthem, “War (what is it good for?).”
This entire flick is a disappointment. Kid movies have been upgraded—didn’t the filmmakers get the memo? Missing were the in-jokes for adults (as in Shrek) who get dragged by their kids to see these flicks. Gulliver’s wasn’t so bad to be totally evil, it was just plain innocuous. Devoid of any real humor, the dreary Gulliver’s Travels is stale on every account, a pathetic attempt at entertainment while lacking any 3-D pizzazz. Even kids will notice the vacuum created here as it just feels lazy. To quote Edwin Starr—Gulliver’s Travels –what is it good for? absolutely nothing…say it again. GT might’ve been a big production to make but it as kid’s flick it stands small in stature.
.Gulliver’s Travels
Starring Jack Black, Jason Segel, Emily Blunt, Amanda Peet, Billy Connolly, Chris O'Dowd
Director: Rob Letterman
Rated PG
1/2 star