Shrek’s Mid-life Crisis

 The Final Voyage Needs a Bigger Forever
By
Morgan P Salvo


I was introduced to Shrek in two ways. First was the commercials hype on the TV screen, along with the toys and images affiliated with whatever fast food chain that has the market on them. Secondly and more importantly was when I was painting a kid’s bedroom way back when. I heard a lot of cartoony chatter coming from through the muffled wall along with tons of laughter from the kids. But I also heard some cool music from the likes of The Eels, Joan Jett and shockingly John Cale. I thought that someone must’ve had some cool alternative radio show going at the same time in a different room so I peered in and lo and behold there it was. Really cool music attached to the childlike phenomenon called Shrek. I decided to check it out. The first one was sharp and witty with enough humor for adults in a Rocky and Bullwinkle fashion, and way fun for kids. I checked the second installment for about five minutes, lost interest and shut it off and by-passed the 3rd Shrek entirely. Now along comes Shrek Forever After and so does my curiosity as to what they’ve come up with for the grand finale.

The plot is simplistic fairy tale wherein Shrek, stuck in a rut of domesticity, is on the brink of running amok. Gone are his days of being a mean ogre with the ability to scare people with his mighty roar and greenish bad looks. Diminished to a dedicated family man, Shrek now changes diapers, has play dates with Donkey’s kids and tries to relax poolside with an eye-ball-tini. Nowadays he lives on the trail of a guided tour and autographs pitchforks for fans. Longing for the days when he felt like a "real ogre," Shrek is duped into signing a pact with an evil magician, the smooth-talking dealmaker Rumpelstiltskin. Shrek suddenly finds himself in an alternate universe, where ogres are hunted, Rumpelstiltskin is king and Shrek and wife Fiona have never met. Now, it's up to Shrek to save his friends, restore his world and reclaime his one “True Love.” Hokey for sure, but hey it’s a kid’s movie.
Back are all the originals. Mike Myers as Shrek seems to be just barely going through the motions. Cameron Diaz as Fiona delivers her lines like she’s aware it’s going to be a cartoon translation. I never get the connection. When she was a princess it made sense but Diaz’s voice just never gels with the plump ogre chick with cleavage on screen. Eddie Murphy reprises Donkey the wisecracking jackass keeping up the momentum once again with bad puns, one-liners and wretched songs. But the scene stealer is Antonio Banderas as Puss in Boots, this time without boots because he’s gotten fat. Cat lovers will have a field day enjoying his tidbits of humor. Then there’s Rumplestiltskin (Walt Dohr) who basically dominates the entire movie. Dohr has co-written some of the Shreks, a SpongeBob Square Pants and is head story writer here. He does a great job for an unknown because I spent the whole movie trying to figure out what actor he was. And I could have never called the voices for the army of wicked witches who hunt and capture ogres for slave labor - Kathy Griffin, Regis Philbin and Larry King. I shit ye not.
There are some funny parodies of other movies like Deliverance, and for the most part everything hits its mark. The few noticeable misfires seemed to be the use of the Pied Piper to make people disco dance and the choice of music this time around has really taken a dive. Gone were the alternative choices to spice things up. In their place were generic sounding songs and the use of the Carpenters “Sitting on Top of the World” which felt awkward and off kilter.
Technology has come along way. The computer animation is so disturbingly realistic that even though I opted against 3-D it still felt like the characters were sitting in my lap. One thing that I thought I’d never see though was five o’ clock shadow and chest hairs on a big green ogre. That’s borderline wrong.
As far as grand finales goes this Shrek is pretty tame but entertaining for sure. Makes me wish I was a kid again and all that. But I would’ve gone with way more bells and whistles if this was my swan song. A mighty bottle of champagne was needed to bust open this bon voyage. As it is I guess simple says it best, but I would’ve liked to seen it pull out all stops and pack more of a wallop. Even though kid’s movies aren’t my thing, Shrek Forever After was not as bad as I thought it would be.

Shrek Forever After
Starring Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Eddie Murphy, Antonio Banderas
Directed by Mike Mitchell
2 ½ stars