Rehash the Kraken!

Clank of the Titans revamps old school mythology with new school technology
By
Morgan P Salvo


I was never a big fan of the 1981 original. Face it, watching Laurence Olivier looking painfully tired as Zeus, and Harry Hamlin with flowers in his hair in a mini-skirt just didn’t do it for me. But the Ray Harryhausen stop motion special effects were cool. For decades he was the go-to-guy for all things monsters: Three Sinbad Voyage movies, Jason & the Argonauts, Mysterious Island to name a few. Faithfully this Clash of the Titans has all the monsters from the original with pumped up technology and CGI. Unfortunately Clash tried to cash in on the Avatar-inspired 3D craze as an afterthought adding it in later in production and suffers for it.

The story remains mostly unchanged. Zeus (Liam Neeson) the king of the gods, seeks help from his brother Hades (Ralph Fiennes), god of the underworld (not a good idea) and his son Perseus (Sam Worthington), a demi-god (half-man/half-god) leads a band of warriors on a dangerous quest to save the city of Argos, and prevent Hades from overthrowing Zeus.
Basically this version is a combination of 300, Jason and the Argonauts, The 13th Warrior and Lord of the Rings. True to spirit of the mythological voyage director Louis Leterrier ("The Incredible Hulk") relies on visual elements creating a dark and somewhat credible fabled world. Although this is a great kid’s movie, Avatar and even Van Helsing may have raised the bar too high with their non-stop action. Clash has lulls in the action, picking up the pace in the Underworld but the boring parts are sleep-inducing.

Basically here’s what you get: The hero from Avatar minus the blue skin (Perseus) goes on a tough guy pilgrimage with his guide/guardian angel, (Gemma Arterton), assisted by a warrior (Mads Mikkelsen ) who never smiles and looks like The Rock’s dad accompanied by some male models in togas. Perseus rides Pegasus, the black-winged horse, while the warriors do battle with and then later ride scorpion-crabs that ooze green slime. Some glowing blue-eyed pharaoh-looking dudes show up with granite-like-mummy faces and staffs of power, while Calibos (no longer a Minotaur), a menacing king-turned-hideous-slayer-demonic-ogre with half his brain exposed must be defeated. They encounter high-tech Wizard of Oz bat-winged-evil-monkey-demons, three nasty wrinkly-faced witches who share one eye, then battle and avoid eye contact with snake-haired Medusa otherwise she’ll turn them to stone. And if that’s not enough they have to save the princess of passion Andromeda (Alexa Davalos) who’s being sacrificed to The Kraken by a glam-rock hippie in a towel who looks like he’s lost it on acid.

The Kraken is referred to constantly throughout the film and is a serious let down - SPOILER ALERT! – When Zeus merely utters “Release the Kraken!” it raises from the sea, looks like it’s ready to do battle with a Transformer, and then gets about 30 seconds screen time.
The acting is riddled with pork, every actor hamming it up to different degrees. Worthington keeps a permanent scowl etched in his brow. Fiennes hisses a lot and looks like a cross between Huckleberry Hound and a heavy metal lead singer. Where Olivier’s paycheck performance looked sad and befuddled, Neesom is set to disappoint with his stern portrayal of Zeus. All glittery and flashing light he resembles a vagrant Liberace in a Vegas version of Mount Olympus
Bottom line: Clash was not a great movie then and it’s a bad movie now. Even with the advantage of modern day filmmaking and CGI this Clash of the Titans makes one yearn for the stop motion genius of Harryhausen. Combining both the original and 2010 version’s negative aspects including the fact that this one doesn’t have Harry Hamlin in it, I’d say it’s a wash.

Clash of the Titans
Starring Sam Worthington, Mads Mikkelsen, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, Gemma Arterton, Alexa Davalos
Directed by Louis Leterrier
2 stars