Faster Longer Deeper Harder

 Faster Rock Kill Kill!!
It’s all about the revenge in Faster
By Morgan P Salvo

You won’t have to work too hard to keep up with Faster, a bullet-headed, throwaway vengeance flick. Faster is stripped-down to the max and beefed up to the hilt; from title to characters to plot. It never strives to be more, concentrating on making the most of its wild-ass look and self-imposed restrictions.

Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson plays “Driver” an ex-con seeking revenge. The first scene you see is Rock’s pumped up chest heaving and glistening as he paces back and forthin his cell like a caged animal. Upon release, Driver literally sprints to his Chevelle, hidden in a junkyard. He lays some impressive rubber as heavy rock music blares, then like a predatory lizard, walks into an office and shoots a dude right in the head. Clearly Driver is on a mission. He plans to systematically kill anyone associated with his brother’s murder.
On the other side of the spectrum, destined to intertwine, is a drug-addled “Cop” (Billy Bob Thornton) investigating the murder, and “Killer” (Oliver Jackson-Cohen) a guy mysteriously hired to “hit” Driver. Oh, and Carl Gugino plays another cop, but she doesn’t get a cool nick name.

Joe and Tony Gayton’s screenplay fills in the motivations. Steeped in a series of flashbacks everyone has an unnecessary back story that tries to glue the film together and give it some literal heft alongside the relentless gun blazing. Redemption is the key theme. Every character is pathetic on some level. We’re supposed to be sucked in and have some sympathy for this bevy of losers. But once again the realm of soap opera squalor forces everyone to face their own personal hell while we’re left with “so what?”
Director George Tillman Jr. wastes no time. Faster is reminiscent of Michael Mann’s Thief and Dominic Sena’s Gone in 60 Seconds, while spattered and painted with an indie-flick smear. Tillman Jr lays on the ridiculous hyper-reality with reddish hued, earth-toned desert settings, insanely theatrical lighting and an undecipherable chase scene in reverse. Except every camera angle in the book, grainy exposures and changing hue color cannot camouflage Faster’s stumbling, blunt-force narrative style. What’s supremely overlooked and ignored is the fact that it’s virtually impossible for a huge tattooed man-thing looking dude to drive across half of California and Nevada killing guys left and right and not be the target of a massive dragnet, let alone go completely unnoticed when he marches into a hospital to kill a patient at point-blank range (one of the funniest scenes). Tillman Jr incorporates over-the–top sound effects and sound track while Clint Mansell’s heartbeat score is abnormally intense. There’s also a blatant rip-off and unoriginal use of Kenny Rogers and the First Edition’s “What Condition My Condition Is In” c’mon—that’s just flat out sacrilege to The Big Lebowski.
The acting is all over the map. The Rock utters few lines and is not adept at brooding, staying steely-eyed and devilishly stoic, although he’s much better than I’ve ever seen him. Billy Bob does his good-guy/bad-guy routine with a dose of perplexity as to his motives. But the real standout for bad ideas is not only the writing for the character of Killer but the actor who plays him. He’s a total cliché: a dashing, rich guy who drives a Ferrari and has a beautiful blonde girlfriend He may be a trained assassin or just might kill for amusement. Speaking with a strange British accent and flashing a weird smile, Jackson-Cohen lacks the magnitude to inhabit a role that essentially doesn’t fit with the rest of the movie. A more flamboyantly charged performance would’ve worked. Lost stars Maggie Grace and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje also make appearances.

There are some really hilarious lines like when the Killer exclaims “I beat yoga. What’s next?” or when Driver’s ex girlfriend exclaims “I know what you’re doing… I saw it on TV!” Faster is brutal, bloody, tough, gritty, violent and stupid. In other words it has all the elements of a male fantasy revenge flick with a moral code gone berserk. I thought Faster would make me want to bolt as fast as it started, turns out that was not the case. Once it was over though, I couldn’t get it out of my head fast enough.

FASTER
Starring Dwayne Johnson, Billy Bob Thornton, Carla Gugino, Maggie Grace, Oliver Jackson-Cohen, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje
Directed by George Tillman Jr

2 Stars

The Worst Two Hours

Next Three Days Is a Chore to Endure
By Morgan P Salvo


The Next Three days is an exercise in patience and tolerance. This meandering flick tells its story with painfully slow and uneventful scenes. I don’t mind a slow-paced movie but it, at the very least, must be engaging. This wannabe-angst-ridden think fest just blows it.

The official synopsis goes like this: John and Lara Brennan (Russell Crowe and Elizabeth Banks) have a happy little life until she is arrested from out of nowhere and convicted of murder. Three years later, while struggling with work and raising his son alone, John (an ordinary guy/community college teacher) is still trying to establish her innocence. When her final appeal is rejected, Lara becomes suicidal, forcing John to exercise the only supremely logical option he has left: break her out of prison.
Writer-director Paul Haggis (of the highly overrated Crash) adapted The Next Three Days from a 2008 French thriller, Pour Elle, and clearly has Alfred Hitchcock's wrong-man-in-wrong-place psychological profiling in mind, but has no idea how to convey it in an American movie. There’s a cop chase, passport forgery, muggings, robbery, a traumatized kid, cliché cop lingo, lock picking, shooting, blood-trickling and a Prius driven far too fast, but really we’ve seen everything exciting in the previews.
Despite the movie’s faults, at least the actors emote their darndest. Banks has a vamp-like quality: she can look conniving one minute and innocent the next, which only adds to the “Did she or didn’t she?” intrigue. Crowe carries John’s conviction in his mournful eyes…a lot. Crowe repeatedly looks weighed down by worry and woe, and not just by all those sandwiches he must be shoveling down. Sadly, veteran actor Brian Dennehy has probably four lines. Liam Neeson’s cameo is an interview that morphs into a how-to-escape-someone-from-prison lecture. And speaking of how tos…who knew that YouTube offered “Crime for Dummies” tutorials, from bump-key making to breaking into cars, but apparently there’s no “rob a bank” video, so John resorts to ripping off a meth lab.
The Next Three Days’ big finale takes forever to appear, only to then meander to an ending that is supposed to be tricky. However, so much dumb stuff was happening on screen that it didn’t give me time to appreciate the few possible cool nuances there might’ve been. This flick tries hard to be compelling, but I spent most my time blinking to stay awake amidst the spattering of sad piano music. But the meanest trick of all was waiting through the long list of credits just to find out that Moby did most of the soundtrack.

The Next Three Days
Starring Russell Crowe, Elizabeth Banks, Liam Neeson, Daniel Stern, Brian Dennehy
Directed by Paul Haggis
1 ½ stars

Chugga Chugga Woo Woo

Unstoppable is on a crash course with the mundane
By
 Morgan P Salvo

Unstoppable is the fifth collaboration of director Tony Scott and actor Denzel Washington and is merely by the numbers stuff. That’s not to say Unstoppable isn’t engaging, as a suspenseful thriller it works fine, but it rings out as Hollywood mainstream schlock at its most finely tuned and nothing comes as a surprise.
Scott must’ve become train fixated after his last dismal flick, the “why-would-anyone-consider-to-make-a-remake”, The Taking of Pelham 1-2-3. This movie is Speed without Keanu Reeves, Dennis Hopper and Sandra Bullock, meaning it’s without any dynamic characters. There are no scheming terrorists, or a lone psycho. The main star is the train and even though Denzel adds the star power, Unstoppable boasts no great acting, just competent line delivery. It’s all filler dialogue and then on to the next nail-biting shots.
The premise is almost refreshingly bare: an unmanned train loaded with hazardous combustible materials must be stopped before it hits a highly populated area, while a veteran engineer and a young conductor race against the clock to prevent the catastrophe. It starts when the big dolt from My Name is Earl (Ethan Suplee),is messing around with the guy that did the voice over camera work from Cloverfield(T.J. Miller),and forgets to hook up air brakes on a train he’s driving and decides to jump off, fully intending to climb back on, but can’t because the never explained stick shift lever that mysteriously moves into high gear turns into a runaway train. I was thinking ghosts but no such luck.
Supposedly based on “true facts” the historical basis for Unstoppable is a May 15, 2001 incident in which an unmanned CSX train became a runaway, speeding at 40 miles an hour, covering 66 miles in Ohio and was stopped within under two hours in a manner similar although way less dramatic to what is depicted in the movie.

Denzel and Chris Pine (Star Trek) play the working-class heroes thrown together to halt the renegade freight. Pine is as good as Washington with their buddy camaraderie, as everyone does fine considering they are working with a limited soap opera script. Kevin Corrigan and Rosario Dawson provide the kooky realism and Kevin Dunn plays the corporate middleman slime-ball. All actors give credible performances but the scene stealer (if there is one) is Lew Temple (Devils Rejects/ Trailer Park of Terror) as Ned, the other hero, who speeds alongside the train with a police escort trying to thwart it at every stop.

Credit must go to all the amazing stunts as Scott used little to no CGI. Scott always makes a film easy and fun to watch; from his psychedelic angles to the quick zooms and fast cuts to the super close-ups with big faces filling the screen. He also has a thing about technological communication evoking all his same great tricks used in Spy Games, Crimson Tide and Enemy of the State. But the most impressive shots are the ones of the train itself. Scott frames its massive bulk in one tilted angle and then its streamline missile effect in the next telephoto shot. The train is like the shark in Jaws (only not as scary).Also effective is the sound of telephone polls whipping past. The grandiose soundtrack comes complete with heart beating synthesizers, Middle Eastern flairs and a lift from the Soundtrack of Aliens vs. Predators (trust me, it was in the credits). Scott uses a lot of television news coverage and since Unstoppable is a 20th Century Fox film, unsurprisingly Fox News is featured. Pennsylvania is another big star in this flick as Scott beautifully captures the scenery and heart of America’s railroad arteries.
Unstoppable, speeding towards more popcorn money, has all the elements of beat-the-clock action flick but it stayed on course and offered no shockers. Even in the more intense moments it seemed safe. This movie could have derailed a little and gone off into a more edge-of-your-seat territory, and for corn's sake there’s even a Hooters element to this thing. I think Unstoppable’s biggest surprise was that there was no surprise. This is really a movie where you get exactly what you expect, nothing more, and nothing less. With all the cool stuff to look at, in the long runaway run, it’s a shame.

Unstoppable
Starring Denzel Washington, Chris Pine, Rosario Dawson, Kevin Corrigan
Directed by Tony Scott
2 ½ stars

The Grand Guignol Finale is More Torture than Porn

Saw 3D sews it up, or does it?
by Morgan P Salvo


 So the saga of Jigsaw comes full circle and the Saw franchise comes to an end. Or does it? Seriously folks, can we really trust horror movie franchises to end? Just take a gander at Jason, Freddy Kruger and Michael Myers…they no die. Maybe not right way, but I predict in the very foreseeable future there will be more Saws…lots of them.
But let’s just go with the assumption that Saw 3D is really the end-all episode. Well, it patches all the right holes and has a relentless pace but is it completely satisfying? Yes and no. Saw 3D is the series’ seventh chapter, helmed by Saw VI director Kevin Greutert. Marcus Dunstan and Patrick Melton are also back to pen the script, which details the never ending exploits of long-dead serial killer Jigsaw and the people who continue to suffer from his gruesome morality lessons. Stylistically and thematically following the series’ pattern, three sub plots are set up immediately to intertwine throughout.

Taking on racism and love triangles, the flick’s main focus is on Bobby Dragen (Sean Patrick Flanery), who has written a best selling book about outwitting the demented serial killer. He also runs support groups for former Jigsaw survivors, despite the fact that his own tale is fictional. Therein lies the rub, and Dragen is the next to fall prey to the cat and mouse game of Jigsaw’s “live or die” traps of twisted morality. He is sent on the traditional race against time, trying to save a series of people from diabolical flesh-rendering machines by inflicting pain on himself, and he is pretty lame at it.
Meanwhile Jigsaw's evil accomplice Hoffman (Costas Mandylor) continues the warped genius' legacy, pursuing personal vendettas against Jigsaw's widow (Betsy Russell) and apparently most of the police department. While still paying off with tons o’ gore, most of the previous installments featured a diverse set of victims; here Saw 3D concentrates on Dragen's efforts to save his wife with the grisly games threatening only his unfortunate associates. The most intriguing part is that Cary Elwes as Dr. Gordon is back from the first Saw, bringing to mind the proposition of coming full circle.
Saw 3D is heavy handed to the hilt, non-stop and relentless, the ever present music creeping up around every corner. The success of the Saw franchise always rests on its Grand Guignol-inspired traps, and they don’t skimp on the gore. Despite a scene right out of A Man Called Horse (a grueling hanging by hooks through the pectoral muscles) and taking a huge page from Italian Giallo master Lucio Fulci (The Beyond, Zombie & Cat in the Brain), the 3D lacks spunk. Sure some of it is supreme gross-out material, but when a three prong eye/mouth-gouger comes at you, it should make you squirm even more and the death scene should not be done in a side angle. Personally I needed more spewing blood, grisly guts and bone matter hurled at my head.
But the main stratagem has always been the ethics behind the tortures. In this version we lose some of its moralist values to a pure evil serial killer (Hoffman). Saw must save on acting bills because it never features an A-list star, and thankfully that works in its favor. Of course Tobin Bell (Jigsaw) returns in a flashback to steal all the acting accolades this flick could receive. The charismatic Bell supplies more electricity in a few minutes of friendly yet intense conversation than all of the ghastly occurrences combined. Ever since his character died in Saw 3, he's been reduced to appearing in brief flashbacks that only remind us what we're missing. It seems a weird move that the creators killed off their evil mastermind villain so early in the series. Mandylor's Hoffman, almost redeemable with a scar on his face, is still an extremely bland stand-in.
Overall, this well-paced and edited installment brings everything to a satisfying climatic crescendo thanks to Greutert’s savvy and longtime composer Charlie Clouser’s ominous music gurgling in the background swirling up to assault our eardrums while the viscera hits our 3D glasses. Despite the fact that some loose ends are left hanging, leaving room to ponder, this essentially could be the last one. Make your choice. Saw…live or die?

SAW 3D
Starring Tobin Bell, Betsy Russell, Costas Mandylor, Carey Elwes, Sean Patrick Flanery
Directed by Kevin Greutert
Rated R
3 stars

My Money To Take

Wes Craven’s Newest Slash into the Horror Vein is a Snooze Fest
By Morgan P Salvo




Besides the non existent reason for My Soul to Take to be in 3-D, you have to wonder, what happened to Wes Craven? His newest jaunt into the slasher/horror/teen victim genre is a major low point for this once distinguished auteur of all things gory and smart.
Soul begins with a cool bloody intro, a lot like Craven’s underrated Shocker, with twinges of Elm Street and Scream, infusing both intellectual insight and humor. Alas, it then turns all formula. The useless 3-D has no bloody knives flying at you, just a bunch of people talking about stuff. This by the numbers slasher is about as exciting as watching paint dry.
The formula is way too familiar: after the initial slaughter scene we segue 16 years later when a bunch of stereotypical teenagers expound a bunch of campfire myth mumbo-jumbo about the Riverton Ripper and how seven of them go by the moniker of Riverton Seven because they all share the same birthday with the day the killer supposedly died, with one of them possibly harboring his murderous soul. Their number soon dwindles as some suffer gruesome deaths at the hands of a seemingly masked, dreadlocked, homeless man.
Soul represents the first writing-directing effort from Craven since his stylish "Wes Craven's New Nightmare" in 1994. Here he disappoints almost immediately and never gains any kind of momentum. Did I mention there’s WAY too much dialogue? There are references to voodoo legends about multiple souls as opposed to multiple personalities, and nonsensical stories of condors and clarions that serve no purpose. Then there’s the unexplained weirdness of “Bug” (Max Thieriot), the main suspect for the murders and his bizarre imitations of other people. Sure he acts weird enough, but his mental health history is only hinted at yet never explained. And don’t get too bent out of shape at the twist ending: it’s about as twisty as a straight edge razor.
I have a theory about directors like Craven from the 70’s who made really good horror movies—that was their shot and it’s over. They either did too many drugs or not enough, but the residual burnout seems to have affected all the greats of the genre. Any attempt at bringing back the genius and originality of their premiere vision just doesn’t cut the blood-tinged mustard. Craven's trademark satirical humor is sorely missed here as the psychosis, horror, mythology and teen victims all come off boring. The best line of this movie was “it’s not okay to be killing all the time.” In My Soul to Take’s case maybe it’s not okay to be filming all the time.

My Soul to Take
Starring Max Thieriot, John Magaro, Denzel Whitaker, Zena Grey, Emily Meade
Written/Directed by Wes Craven
Rated R
1 star

Vampires Still Need Permission

Baffling Remake Stays Reverent to the Original

 By Morgan P Salvo

What The Fuck!!? Let Me In is a remake of Let the Right One In, a movie barely two years old. This new version is scripted and helmed by Matt Reeves who was responsible for shakiest camera award with the unforgettable Cloverfield.
In Let Me In we have a barely re-written version with a lot of the same scenes and the dialogue. Swapping Sweden to a snowy New Mexico is a stretch. Having it take place in 1983 is semi-genius because we get to listen to a bunch of 1983 classic rock songs by David Bowie, Blue Oyster Cult, Greg Khin, etc. The story remains the same as a pre-pubescent blood sucker girl befriends geeky lonely boy picked on by bullies, and throughout some gruesome murders a love story blossoms. Once again the title refers to letting the right one in through the door— but also into the heart, as deadly as that may be.
Kudos must go to casting. Richard Jenkins plays the creepy “Dad”, Elias Koteas as the detective, Kodi Smit-McPhee (The Road) as the boy Owen and Chloe Moretz (Kick-ass) as the girl vampire Abby.
Saving what was cool about the original is its cold and detached look at adolescent loneliness and pain, making it the polar opposite to Twilight’s jean-busting, teen-throb, male-model blood suckers.

Missing from the original (in addition to the cool original cool 80’s euro-rock) was the alienation and isolation the entire town felt. Director Tomas Alfredson achieved this brilliantly by drawing out more characters, especially the seedy bar patrons/potential victims. Instead Reeves has Owen watching people/potential victims with a telescope giving it a Rear Window voyeuristic feel. A bad idea has Owen playing with his knife in the mirror, acting like a serial killer-rapist. The original had the character fantasizing about being able to intimidate and kill his bully attackers. Failing to astonish, the vampire attack scenes and climbing of trees or buildings look like King Kong type animation.
Watching this version messed with my head because I was so familiar with the original and its euro-creepiness. I couldn’t tell if this American version sucked or maybe it’s so rigorously reverential to its source material that it’s a highly accomplished work standing on its own. Still it baffles me why anyone would tamper with greatness. Sure the Swedish film, which ranks as one of the strangest horror entries of the last decade, deserves to find a wider base in the U.S., but why mess with solid originality? Let Me In’s only saving grace is if people see this movie first they might be intrigued to see the masterpiece.

Let Me In
Starring Kodi Smit-McPhee, Chloe Moretz, Richard Jenkins, Elias Koteas
Written/ Directed by Matt Reeves
Rated R
2 ½ stars

Bursting Bubbles

 Oliver Stone’s sequel leaves hope for human nature but none for the economy
By
Morgan P Salvo

Leave it to Oliver Stone to churn out a sequel for Wall Street after 23 years, and an eccentric sometimes compelling flick no less. This time it’s good versus evil under the umbrella of the financial crisis and mortgage debacle. You’d think the politically savvy Stone would be all over this in a JFK conspiracy way, but instead he uses the fall of the American empire to serve as a backdrop for an old-fashioned love story. Stone is far from the psychedelic onslaught of Natural Born Killers and the weird take detached look at George W. Bush in W. But as always, every shot counts. Stone’s best movies are preoccupied with the primal matters of power, honor, loyalty, and disgrace.
Wall Street 2 begins with a quick voice over analogy of bubbles bursting, likened to the origin of the human race. A quick photo montage catches us up to the modern day financial crisis. Returning as greed incarnate Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) is released from prison, in a scene that is both hilarious and sad.
Now ask yourself if this sounds like Oliver Stone territory or not: Gekko is estranged from his daughter, left-leaning blogger Winnie (Carey Mulligan), who wants nothing to do with him. Her fiancé is a Manhattan go-getter Jake Moore (Shia LaBeouf), a trader for Keller Zabel Investments, although his real passion is alternative energy. Tragedy strikes for Jake’s mentor Lou Zabel (Frank Langella) and Zabel's firm collapses. Arrogant Wall Street entrepreneur/manipulator, Bretton James (Josh Brolin) buys the firm for virtually nothing and recruits the promising, Jake who wants revenge. Jake then tries to assist some reconciliation between Winnie and her dad but actually ends up covertly teaming up with Gekko, who has written a best selling expose of Wall Street. Gekko manipulates all those around him, lying in wait and phony humbleness ready to strike.
Once again we see the glare of Capitalism and the energy drink guzzling, gambling-addict, trader-junkies playing with our money. But after that, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps is mainly a slow moving melodrama. This flick depends on a smart premise, spelling out the bailouts, fallouts and money schemes that tanked our economy, but still relies on old fashioned movie making to tell a compelling intricate tale, then screws it all up with the cheesiest last five minutes and a feel-good phony-ass Hollywood ending.
Still Stone usually wrings the best performances out of his actors. Mirroring real life, the fact that Douglas has throat cancer and could be battling for his life adds a peculiar sensitivity to the subject matter. The lure of Douglas’ Gekko has its moments of pathos that lends us to believe that this time around he has real heartfelt emotions still we wonder is he on a quest for redemption…or is he maneuvering his way into the next big scam? Douglas’s command of his character and his scenes are the best to watch. Ninety-three year old Eli Wallach looks like a crazed and whistling Chinese wizard. Brolin seamlessly plays the sneering vindictive evil inside trader, screwing over everyone in his path with no remorse. Langella excels as the old-school businessman standing his ground at the precipice of disaster. There’s something inherently wrong with Charlie Sheen in his nervous unconvincing cameo. LaBeouf works in this role but has a “watch me---I’m acting” feel to the performance. Mulligan smiles when she’s happy, tears up when sad and does a good American accent, but the paring with LaBeouf is absolutely unbelievable from the get go.
Wall Street 2 has a spunky, laid back soundtrack by David Bynre and Brian Eno and also resurrects the original’s use of Talking Heads’ song “This Must be the Place (Naïve Melody)” for the ending credits.
The Schwarz Churchill firm’s bailout trials and tribulations are thinly veiled as Goldman Sachs’ housing market rip-off. But of course, Stone’s theme is not just money as the root of all evil. That would be too abstract, cold and impersonal for Oliver’s high end romantic, Hollywood-meets-Shakespeare know-how.
It looked like this movie was going to leave us with a feeling of futility and a warped financial philosophy based in truth. What I thought was the final scene and a powerful finale switched gears and took the cornball express to Hollywood happy ending-land. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps should go back to bed.Feels like Stone cashed in his own chips and furnished his own bailout. Sound familiar?

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps
Starring Michael Douglas, Shia LeBouf, Carrie Mulligan, Josh Brolin
Directed by Oliver Stone
Rated R
2 stars