The Worst Two Hours

Next Three Days Is a Chore to Endure
By Morgan P Salvo


The Next Three days is an exercise in patience and tolerance. This meandering flick tells its story with painfully slow and uneventful scenes. I don’t mind a slow-paced movie but it, at the very least, must be engaging. This wannabe-angst-ridden think fest just blows it.

The official synopsis goes like this: John and Lara Brennan (Russell Crowe and Elizabeth Banks) have a happy little life until she is arrested from out of nowhere and convicted of murder. Three years later, while struggling with work and raising his son alone, John (an ordinary guy/community college teacher) is still trying to establish her innocence. When her final appeal is rejected, Lara becomes suicidal, forcing John to exercise the only supremely logical option he has left: break her out of prison.
Writer-director Paul Haggis (of the highly overrated Crash) adapted The Next Three Days from a 2008 French thriller, Pour Elle, and clearly has Alfred Hitchcock's wrong-man-in-wrong-place psychological profiling in mind, but has no idea how to convey it in an American movie. There’s a cop chase, passport forgery, muggings, robbery, a traumatized kid, cliché cop lingo, lock picking, shooting, blood-trickling and a Prius driven far too fast, but really we’ve seen everything exciting in the previews.
Despite the movie’s faults, at least the actors emote their darndest. Banks has a vamp-like quality: she can look conniving one minute and innocent the next, which only adds to the “Did she or didn’t she?” intrigue. Crowe carries John’s conviction in his mournful eyes…a lot. Crowe repeatedly looks weighed down by worry and woe, and not just by all those sandwiches he must be shoveling down. Sadly, veteran actor Brian Dennehy has probably four lines. Liam Neeson’s cameo is an interview that morphs into a how-to-escape-someone-from-prison lecture. And speaking of how tos…who knew that YouTube offered “Crime for Dummies” tutorials, from bump-key making to breaking into cars, but apparently there’s no “rob a bank” video, so John resorts to ripping off a meth lab.
The Next Three Days’ big finale takes forever to appear, only to then meander to an ending that is supposed to be tricky. However, so much dumb stuff was happening on screen that it didn’t give me time to appreciate the few possible cool nuances there might’ve been. This flick tries hard to be compelling, but I spent most my time blinking to stay awake amidst the spattering of sad piano music. But the meanest trick of all was waiting through the long list of credits just to find out that Moby did most of the soundtrack.

The Next Three Days
Starring Russell Crowe, Elizabeth Banks, Liam Neeson, Daniel Stern, Brian Dennehy
Directed by Paul Haggis
1 ½ stars

Chugga Chugga Woo Woo

Unstoppable is on a crash course with the mundane
By
 Morgan P Salvo

Unstoppable is the fifth collaboration of director Tony Scott and actor Denzel Washington and is merely by the numbers stuff. That’s not to say Unstoppable isn’t engaging, as a suspenseful thriller it works fine, but it rings out as Hollywood mainstream schlock at its most finely tuned and nothing comes as a surprise.
Scott must’ve become train fixated after his last dismal flick, the “why-would-anyone-consider-to-make-a-remake”, The Taking of Pelham 1-2-3. This movie is Speed without Keanu Reeves, Dennis Hopper and Sandra Bullock, meaning it’s without any dynamic characters. There are no scheming terrorists, or a lone psycho. The main star is the train and even though Denzel adds the star power, Unstoppable boasts no great acting, just competent line delivery. It’s all filler dialogue and then on to the next nail-biting shots.
The premise is almost refreshingly bare: an unmanned train loaded with hazardous combustible materials must be stopped before it hits a highly populated area, while a veteran engineer and a young conductor race against the clock to prevent the catastrophe. It starts when the big dolt from My Name is Earl (Ethan Suplee),is messing around with the guy that did the voice over camera work from Cloverfield(T.J. Miller),and forgets to hook up air brakes on a train he’s driving and decides to jump off, fully intending to climb back on, but can’t because the never explained stick shift lever that mysteriously moves into high gear turns into a runaway train. I was thinking ghosts but no such luck.
Supposedly based on “true facts” the historical basis for Unstoppable is a May 15, 2001 incident in which an unmanned CSX train became a runaway, speeding at 40 miles an hour, covering 66 miles in Ohio and was stopped within under two hours in a manner similar although way less dramatic to what is depicted in the movie.

Denzel and Chris Pine (Star Trek) play the working-class heroes thrown together to halt the renegade freight. Pine is as good as Washington with their buddy camaraderie, as everyone does fine considering they are working with a limited soap opera script. Kevin Corrigan and Rosario Dawson provide the kooky realism and Kevin Dunn plays the corporate middleman slime-ball. All actors give credible performances but the scene stealer (if there is one) is Lew Temple (Devils Rejects/ Trailer Park of Terror) as Ned, the other hero, who speeds alongside the train with a police escort trying to thwart it at every stop.

Credit must go to all the amazing stunts as Scott used little to no CGI. Scott always makes a film easy and fun to watch; from his psychedelic angles to the quick zooms and fast cuts to the super close-ups with big faces filling the screen. He also has a thing about technological communication evoking all his same great tricks used in Spy Games, Crimson Tide and Enemy of the State. But the most impressive shots are the ones of the train itself. Scott frames its massive bulk in one tilted angle and then its streamline missile effect in the next telephoto shot. The train is like the shark in Jaws (only not as scary).Also effective is the sound of telephone polls whipping past. The grandiose soundtrack comes complete with heart beating synthesizers, Middle Eastern flairs and a lift from the Soundtrack of Aliens vs. Predators (trust me, it was in the credits). Scott uses a lot of television news coverage and since Unstoppable is a 20th Century Fox film, unsurprisingly Fox News is featured. Pennsylvania is another big star in this flick as Scott beautifully captures the scenery and heart of America’s railroad arteries.
Unstoppable, speeding towards more popcorn money, has all the elements of beat-the-clock action flick but it stayed on course and offered no shockers. Even in the more intense moments it seemed safe. This movie could have derailed a little and gone off into a more edge-of-your-seat territory, and for corn's sake there’s even a Hooters element to this thing. I think Unstoppable’s biggest surprise was that there was no surprise. This is really a movie where you get exactly what you expect, nothing more, and nothing less. With all the cool stuff to look at, in the long runaway run, it’s a shame.

Unstoppable
Starring Denzel Washington, Chris Pine, Rosario Dawson, Kevin Corrigan
Directed by Tony Scott
2 ½ stars

The Grand Guignol Finale is More Torture than Porn

Saw 3D sews it up, or does it?
by Morgan P Salvo


 So the saga of Jigsaw comes full circle and the Saw franchise comes to an end. Or does it? Seriously folks, can we really trust horror movie franchises to end? Just take a gander at Jason, Freddy Kruger and Michael Myers…they no die. Maybe not right way, but I predict in the very foreseeable future there will be more Saws…lots of them.
But let’s just go with the assumption that Saw 3D is really the end-all episode. Well, it patches all the right holes and has a relentless pace but is it completely satisfying? Yes and no. Saw 3D is the series’ seventh chapter, helmed by Saw VI director Kevin Greutert. Marcus Dunstan and Patrick Melton are also back to pen the script, which details the never ending exploits of long-dead serial killer Jigsaw and the people who continue to suffer from his gruesome morality lessons. Stylistically and thematically following the series’ pattern, three sub plots are set up immediately to intertwine throughout.

Taking on racism and love triangles, the flick’s main focus is on Bobby Dragen (Sean Patrick Flanery), who has written a best selling book about outwitting the demented serial killer. He also runs support groups for former Jigsaw survivors, despite the fact that his own tale is fictional. Therein lies the rub, and Dragen is the next to fall prey to the cat and mouse game of Jigsaw’s “live or die” traps of twisted morality. He is sent on the traditional race against time, trying to save a series of people from diabolical flesh-rendering machines by inflicting pain on himself, and he is pretty lame at it.
Meanwhile Jigsaw's evil accomplice Hoffman (Costas Mandylor) continues the warped genius' legacy, pursuing personal vendettas against Jigsaw's widow (Betsy Russell) and apparently most of the police department. While still paying off with tons o’ gore, most of the previous installments featured a diverse set of victims; here Saw 3D concentrates on Dragen's efforts to save his wife with the grisly games threatening only his unfortunate associates. The most intriguing part is that Cary Elwes as Dr. Gordon is back from the first Saw, bringing to mind the proposition of coming full circle.
Saw 3D is heavy handed to the hilt, non-stop and relentless, the ever present music creeping up around every corner. The success of the Saw franchise always rests on its Grand Guignol-inspired traps, and they don’t skimp on the gore. Despite a scene right out of A Man Called Horse (a grueling hanging by hooks through the pectoral muscles) and taking a huge page from Italian Giallo master Lucio Fulci (The Beyond, Zombie & Cat in the Brain), the 3D lacks spunk. Sure some of it is supreme gross-out material, but when a three prong eye/mouth-gouger comes at you, it should make you squirm even more and the death scene should not be done in a side angle. Personally I needed more spewing blood, grisly guts and bone matter hurled at my head.
But the main stratagem has always been the ethics behind the tortures. In this version we lose some of its moralist values to a pure evil serial killer (Hoffman). Saw must save on acting bills because it never features an A-list star, and thankfully that works in its favor. Of course Tobin Bell (Jigsaw) returns in a flashback to steal all the acting accolades this flick could receive. The charismatic Bell supplies more electricity in a few minutes of friendly yet intense conversation than all of the ghastly occurrences combined. Ever since his character died in Saw 3, he's been reduced to appearing in brief flashbacks that only remind us what we're missing. It seems a weird move that the creators killed off their evil mastermind villain so early in the series. Mandylor's Hoffman, almost redeemable with a scar on his face, is still an extremely bland stand-in.
Overall, this well-paced and edited installment brings everything to a satisfying climatic crescendo thanks to Greutert’s savvy and longtime composer Charlie Clouser’s ominous music gurgling in the background swirling up to assault our eardrums while the viscera hits our 3D glasses. Despite the fact that some loose ends are left hanging, leaving room to ponder, this essentially could be the last one. Make your choice. Saw…live or die?

SAW 3D
Starring Tobin Bell, Betsy Russell, Costas Mandylor, Carey Elwes, Sean Patrick Flanery
Directed by Kevin Greutert
Rated R
3 stars