So Much Money So Many Duds

Over indulgent movies and their impending suck factor

By Morgan P Salvo

 There have been movies about indulgence, such as Barfly, Lost Weekend and Le Grande Bouffe but to me the ultimate sign of indulgence is either spending a ton of money on a film or creating a dud that nobody wants to watch. If you Google “the most expensive movies ever made” and “worst movies ever”, it seems there’s a lot of overlap between these two categories. Hollywood likes to spend and big wig execs like to profit, plain and simple. It’s all marketing strategy nowadays, not just art and entertainment. At some point the blockbuster overtook the real story movie. I say blame it on Star Wars and Indiana Jones (yes, Lucas and Spielberg) where making money instead of art reigned supreme. Easy Rider didn’t come with action figures or Happy Meals.So when a movie fails to produce moguls pull the plug on the “what-doesn’t-work” scenario fast. But it’s always a gamble. Seriously, who could’ve thought Pluto Nash would bomb?

Most box office blockbusters are not critically well accepted and by default, the bigger the cost the bigger the dud. We got Kevin Costner with two big entry blunders The Postman (filmed here in Oregon) and Waterworld, both flops and heavy financial losers, proving one cannot rest on Best Picture laurels. After swallowing The Lord of the Rings accolades whole Peter Jackson went on to spend all his extra dough on remaking King Kong and it cost a gazillion and flopped like a dying seal. Heaven’s Gate was the beginning of the end of over indulgent long winded storytelling. Michael Cimino was practically black listed for that fiasco, which was a shame because it was actually a pretty good movie. What he really should be punished for is that 45 minute wedding scene in Deer Hunter.

Disaster flicks are ripe for indulgence. The Towering Inferno fizzled out, Poseidon Adventure tanked and the master of lame Roland Emmerich’s 2012 fell off the map. Then we have biblical epics that actually did okay, like Cecil B DeMille’s The Ten Commandments and William Wyler’s Ben Hur, (both Charlton Heston vehicles), but high expense and star power of  Richard Burton & Liz Taylor’s Cleopatra created a financial loss. What used to be heaped on lavish sets and a sea of extras has now been replaced by CGI. Currently something like Resident Evil has 20 minutes of computer geek credits.Ok so some movies succeed in cashing in but usually those are the ones that cost little to make like the incessant Paranormal Activity franchise. They cost about 5 bucks to make and rake in unfathomable millions.
  James Cameron has two mega hits that are way up there cost-wise Avatar and Titanic. Avatar was the most expensive kid’s movie ever made and its simplistic core had nothing to offer but special effects. Titanic on the other hand is that rare item that is the most quintessential horrible movie EVER made, cornball to the max, and it won a jillion academy awards. The fact that it is so popular still boggles my mind. If I ever teach a class on what’s wrong with movies Titanic is on top of my list.

Travolta invested in crazy sci-fi in the telling of scientology via space war in Battlefield Earth to bomb financially and critically big time and Mel Gibson’s went uber-sadistic in his version of Jesus’ last days in the Passion of the Christ, though that paid off. And speaking of space, what about the entire Star Wars anthology? Why would anyone think to make a prequel with better special effects than the original flicks to depict a world with advanced technology in the past? Let us not forget M Night Shyamalan’s wretched piece of cinema The Last Airbender which not only solidified his downward spiraling career but was one of the most expensive worst movies ever. Although it had box office success it was universally panned by critics.
Terence Malick deserves special recognition since no matter how you look at his films they are steeped in indulgence and Tree of Life is the best looking, boring masterpiece ever made.

Any Busby Berkeley movie would work but then any musical really but let’s put the hip ones up that bombed at box office but gained cult status.  Hair, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Grease, Jesus Christ Superstar Then there’s just plain stupid movies that deserved a box office death like Sahara, Gigli, Ishtar (which I actually liked), Speed Race,r Wind Talkers (well anything with Nicolas Cage in it since) and the ever reliable Hudson Hawk.Even going back to D W Griffith’s Birth of A Nation was absolute overkill on every level.

Remakes are the poster children of indulgence. Producer Michael Bay has been single handedly systematically destroying the classic horror movies of yesteryear. Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday the Thirteenth and Nightmare on Elm Street all have his indelible stamp of over produced high tech wizardry that prove to be a major let down from the original versions. Leave well enough alone.

The bottom line is that in film, over spending is almost always more about the filmmakers and less about the audience. My feeling is that no movie is worth the money spent and almost all producers squandering ideas and money nowadays just to make a buck by indulgent remakes and/or formulaic crap get what they deserve.

Special significance should be given to these honorable mentions:

John Carter

Pirates of Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

X-men: Last Stand

Dark Knight Rises (or All Nolan’s Batman flicks)

Spiderman 3

How the West was Won

Alexander

Van Helsing

The Alamo

Back to the Future (with Guns)

Looper blows holes in the Sci-fi action genre

By Morgan P Salvo 

 Right off the bat you can tell Looper is going to be different. Its edgy approach reinvents and, for the most part, rejects standard Hollywood formula. From director Rian Johnson, the guy who brought us new lingo and changed the face of noir with Brick, followed up with con-man tale The Brothers Bloom which was only mildly entertaining. Third time’s a charm as Looper delivers on all possible levels while its gaffes are few and forgivable. It's an exciting science fiction action fantasy with a dose of hard-hitting drama, an engaging script and just a wacky idea overall. The story of Looper takes place in the near future where the majority of the action unfolds in Kansas, circa 2044, setting up the more distant future (the early 2070s) where time travel is outlawed and only used by bad guys in the future to send back other really bad guys for a team of guys called Loopers to kill. Basically Loopers wait in a corn field and when the dude from the future shows up, bam! they blow him away and dispose of the body, collecting the silver bars strapped to the victim’s back in form of payment. It’s a time travel garbage elimination waste management kind of deal. The Looper’s code and only rule is “never let your target escape” even if that target happens to be your future self. When the decision is made to terminate a Looper's contract, he is sent a future version of himself to eliminate. This is called “closing the loop” Once he has completed that task, he’s got 30 years to lives of life. Plus a criminal Czar sent from the future (Jeff Daniels) is there to make sure everything runs smoothly. So a Looper’s lifespan is pretty limited. Oh and the fact that a lot of people have acquired TK (telekinesis) is a sub plot that rears its telepathic head every once in a while and has major pivot point near the end of the flick

 Gordon-Levitt plays Joe, a Looper waiting out his contract, cashing in and biding his time, hanging out with other drugged out assassins, cruising in expensive vehicles and going clubbing. So when Joe eventually finds himself at the trigger end and the barrel end of the shotgun things don’t go as planned. When his older self (Bruce Willis) turns up he fails to carry out the hit. Both versions of Joe go on the run and try to affect their future which involves Sara (Emily Blunt), who owns the farm where the young Joe hides out with Sara’s telekinetic son Cid (Pierce Gagnon). Johnson has effectively designed a nice gritty realism to the future where rich versus poor and while hoards of ruined people walk the streets the devil-may-care Loopers threaten them and taunt them at every turn.

Looper restores the thinking man’s action movie and once you get the hang of it all it’s about the next surprise and what happens next. Bullets fly, blood spurts and people say smart things and heave real painful emotions amidst this hugely underlying dark humor.

Jeff Daniels has such a great natural style as a villain he is one of those actors that can seriously go just about anything and when he says “Take it from me I’m from the future go to China” it smacks of the humor he invokes in HBO’s the newsroom. Pierce Gagnon needs to be recognized not only does he play a force to be reckoned with, his acting chops will follow suit The little kid reign of terror is excellent and he’s a boy and he doesn’t suck great actor since the shining taking a page from the Omen in demonic evil..  Noah Segan who was great in Dead Girl plays the biggest worthless  crybaby character why the fuck didn’t they just kill him immediately is beyond me and why was his villain wimp-dom even necessary  Paul Dano shows up to overact. Willis gets all emotional and Die Hard and even Fifth Element for a while. Johnson really knows how to cash in on Willis’ actions star status by overdoing a hilarious gun blazing battle. But clearly this is Gordon-Levitt’s movie all the way. With prosthetic help Levitt is altered to resemble a young Willis but even though he is doing his own character, he scrunches up his eyebrows, gravels his voice a little and seems to always be almost on the brink of a smirk… in other words a damn fine Willis impersonation. At times we are following Willis and Gordon-Levitt’s path simultaneously and they are just as effective together. Their diner scene was reminiscent of Heat that is if Pacino and DeNiro had started punching each other.

Time travel movies are tricky. There are questionable choices as it’s hard to convince us that time travelling and playing with our past and future doesn’t alter the events of things to come. The main question is handled with some finesse: If the loop is closed on you, did you ever exist? Or did you live your younger life up until the point you kill your older self? This is what traps the story and the viewer. But Looper tells a compelling story. It gets pretty convoluted but played with such integrity that it pays off. Still I kept wondering when someone was just going to disappear because the past had changed

Thanks to the original screenplay and wild ideas conveyed through ingenious s camera work we remain riveted and want to known how will this all end. Sadly the end is a little too easy and kind of a let down but due to the overall style and tone of this flick it fits right in. This kind of flick requires acceptance and even though Looper has a ton of loopholes you forgive them because you’ve already suspended so much believe and invested time just to travel with these characters on their path.

I think why a lot of this movie works is the genius mind of Johnson and what he thinks is cool. His vision transfers to screen and not so coincidentally we think it’s cool too. It’s like a thinking man’s action packed art flick. Go figure. I never knew there was one of those in my future.

 LOOPER

 
 Starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Bruce Willis, Emily Blunt, Jeff Daniels, Pierce Gagnon

Written and directed by Rian Johnson

Rated R

3 ½ stars

Limousine Confessions

 Deconstructing Society gives us   Paranoiac Food for Thought 

  By Morgan P Salvo

 Cosmopolis might be Cronenberg’s most personal film and that in itself is pretty scary. From the guy who brought us Rabid, Scanners, The Fly, Videodrome and History of Violence (to name a few) it seems the director has gone back to the high tech stuff that fueled his version of William Burroughs’ Naked Lunch and his film called Crash (not the one that sucked) Based on Don Delillo’s novel Cronenberg uses the source material surreptitiously to weave a web of futility. There’s an “inside is safe and outside is turmoil” feel to this flick. Very twisted this film is a vehicle for socio-political discussion and rants about corporate greed, how the media buffers the truth, focusing in broad strokes on what is really wrong with this country and basically how truly paranoid a society we’ve become .

 Beginning with a Jackson Pollock-esque painting credits this film contains a weird vibe throughout. Robert Pattison is going all out to Anti-Twilight his career and good for him. He holds his own in this swirling nonsensical descent into madness, decay and social unrest. Pattison is no vampire, instead he plays a paralyzed zombie of a human being, cold and uncalculating, about to fall into the abyss. Pattison’s Rich kid entrepreneur billionaire Eric Packard’s only concern seems to be getting a haircut. But due to a dead celebrity’s funeral and the President being in town, traffic is at a stand still. Plus on top of all that, his cryptic bodyguard (Kevin Duran) has informed him that he has it on good authority that the rich businessman is in imminent danger. So the slow traveling limo cause Packard to run into a cavalcade of characters that debate him on the meaning of life, marketing strategies, dreams and his reign of power.

Borderline esoteric and mystery thriller we are left to keep guessing as to why we’re watching what we are and what motivates the characters. Basically it’s a big yak fest that takes place in Packard’s limousine with one extremely different person after another all delivering crazy play-like monologues in claustrophobic ambience. Eric's dedicated disciples creep into the limo, gab about what they need to and then disappear back into the city. There’s his financial advisor, cool and clinical (Samantha Morton), his sex starved art dealer (Juliette Binoche) his financial advisor sweat-soaked from a jog (Emily Hampshire), a couple of whiz kids computer geeks and even a doctor to perform a prostate exam,( the results of his having a asymmetrical prostate garners some laughable material later). Even a rapper shows up for a monologue and a hug.

For the first hour I was ready to bail with all the characters gargling poetic oddball innuendoes and spewing existential bile in this strange guessing game manner and all the while taking place in this silent soundproofed car ride devoid of any musical accompaniment.  Although it was a chore to get through in retrospect Cosmopolis becomes one of the most genius movies I’ve ever seen.

About midway we get a twist. There’s violence and then introspection as the inevitable haircut gets underway. While Packard’s chauffeur and barber exchange cab stories, philosophies of life and gratuitously dished out nuggets of wisdom, the George Burns quote came to mind (intentional I’m sure) “Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair” The botched haircut is ultra revealing as to the upcoming breakdown of one’s character and the fall of an empire.

Through dark dry wit some of the things said are hilarious and painfully about what plagues us all. A strange blonde woman who he keeps spotting on the street and gets out to converse with eventually is revealed to be his wife. Their marriage is slipping away and they share all three meals together (breakfast, lunch, dinner) and here Cronenberg deftly zeroes in on failed marriages and domestic connections or lack thereof at mealtime while taking a jab at meaningless relationships

In the first half hour at some point I thought I saw Paul Giamatti in the background and sure enough he shows up in a tour-de-force performance that solidifies his acting prowess as almost untouchable. His amazing and Orwellian insane rant about self loathing and human nature exposes an extremely dark and humorous vision about consumerism, adulation and idolatry as he explains “Violence needs a purpose”. 

It must be pointed out that the ever present meticulous detail to the things onscreen always give you more than a chance to soak up the surroundings and goings on outside 

It exposes inherent wisdom and esoteric surrealism with an array of metaphors and recounting storytelling.

Sardonically and sarcastically yet always played straight we are treated to Rats as currency and brilliant insights into what is referred to as “Cyber Capital”. Marketing theories are bashed to smithereens. Anarchy prevails outside as the snail crawling limo proceeds people are spray painting his limo, carrying rats and chucking them at people.

This bleak commentary on where society is headed also takes a big stab at the occupy Wall Street movement while attempting to fumigate capitalism. Cronenberg’s take on man’s inhumanity to man allows us to come away with reeling thoughts worthy of debate for years to come and proof positive that  true crime is in your head.  

The indelible creepy Cronenberg stamp on Cosmopolis is unlike anything he’s ever done. His metaphysical take on the world and what’s wrong with it is relentless as he flawlessly points out that the microscopic down fall of life, as we know it, can happen in one nightmarish glimpse. Even if it takes a while to get out of first gear, that’s still a damn fine wake up call.  

Cosmopolis

Starring Robert Pattison

Directed by David Cronenberg

Rated R

3 ½ stars

Master of his own Domain

A quick look at Paul Thomas Anderson Flicks coincidentally includes Philip Seymour Hoffman

 By Morgan P Salvo

With attention to detail and a filmography time table to rival Stanley Kubrick, Paul Thomas Anderson seems to be deriving pleasure from emulating other director’s styles while being fiercely independent and creating a unique world of his own with a stable of consummate actors.

Hard Eight (1996)

A hard luck gambling saga showcasing the repertory actors Anderson would come to choose from in later films. John C. Reilly is mentored in casino logic by an ailing Philip Baker Hall. Gwyneth Paltrow and Phillip Seymour Hoffman round this flick out. Even Samuel L. Jackson shows up before he was in everything.

Boogie Nights (1997)

Every actor is spot on in this ensemble piece focusing on the 1970s-80s decade-defying look at the porn industry and one Dirk Diggler’s special “talent”. This flick brought Burt Reynolds’ career back for a fleeting moment, boosted Mark Wahlberg’s star status, made us more aware of the genius of William H. Macy, Julianne Moore, Don Cheadle, Heather Graham, John C. Reilly and Thomas Jane, but Philip Seymour Hoffman’s Scotty will be the one who sticks in your craw.

Magnolia (1999)

This is a sweeping story of intertwining events, strange occurrences and a mosaic character study in the style of Robert Altman’s Short Cuts. Loss, death and emotional pain are amplified to the hilt here. Nothing short of a masterpiece except for Tom Cruise (well he is short). I cannot understand the acting accolades he received as this flick proves he should stick to action and skip the emoting. Julianne Moore has never been better and Philip Seymour Hoffman adds penetrating honesty.

Punch Drunk Love (2002)

This is one of two movies I’ve liked Adam Sandler in (the other is Anger Management) because he actually acts and doesn’t behave like a jackass or an irritatingly unfunny buffoon.  Here he plays a wacky businessman saving coupons and looking for love in all the wrong places. The intentionally annoying soundtrack is superb and actually causes you to feel nervous or agitated the entire movie. Emily Watson is great and you guessed it, once again Philip Seymour Hoffman shows up to steal scenes.

There Will be Blood (2007)

This movie was beautiful to look at with mesmerizing performances, grandiose scenic locales…and I hated every minute of it. I understand the artistic choices of how and why this stripped down epic was made and the moody period piece it conveyed but for God’s sake it was SO boring I thought I was going to die. Daniel Day Lewis, who won an Oscar for his portrayal of crotchety oil man Daniel Plainview, now has two dreadful movies that he’s phenomenal in (see Gangs of New York).  Strangely, Phillip Seymour Hoffman is nowhere in sight.

Worst of 2011

From comic book desecration to blandness incarnate

By Morgan P Salvo 

Good Lord! There were so many to choose from. When looking back on the year I can hardly remember a movie that I liked. Yep this was one lame-ass year for movies. Here is the cream of the crop.

1-10 (1 being the worst)

1. Larry Crowne

Boring, bland and lifeless this flick proves Tom Hanks should be stripped of all accolades, star power and Oscar wins and  has to go back to square one to work his way back up

 

   2.  The Green Hornet

  Amidst this colorful and horrible mess Seth Rogen’s inane motor mouth planted the kiss of death on this movie and it ruined me (forever) to watch him in anything again.

3. Sanctum

This James Cameron produced waterlogged flick contains the worst dialogue, acting and story forming a perfect trifecta of shame. Sanctum is all wet.

    

4.   The Sitter

Wasting all the talent involved this dreary, tedious, lazy and unoriginal 80’s rip-off sits right on its face. Jonah Hill’s last movie as a fat guy is a disgrace. He should’ve shed this movie with his poundage.

 

5   Insidious

 This flick could easily be named Ludicrous and then you can start adding similar adjectives that apply to describe it. The pairing of the creators from Saw and Paranormal Activity is a marriage made in bad movie hell. It is lame from the word go.

6   Sucker Punch

 Pow! Smack! That’s what you’ve been treated to and deserve for sitting though this supremely contrived, poorly written, miserable piece of CGI high-tech crud. Who would’ve thought after Zak Snyder’s Watchmen he was capable of complete crap?

         7     Thor

  A bad take on Norse mythology and the worst rendition of a Marvel comic book superhero since Daredevil. Absolutely imbecilic.

8        8. Zookeeper, Mr. Popper’s Penguins and Gulliver’s Travels

   This three way tie of PG wretchedness boggles my mind.   I can’t tell which movie is worse or why they were even made.

9    Dream House

  If they flew in Rod Serling and/or Satan himself for rewrites neither could’ve helped this ridiculous attempt at mind bending that proves A-list stars can crap their pants with the best of them

10      Paranormal  Activity 3

    Staying in line with the series franchise, this fun house ride is wearing thin and the concept of scaring the bejezzus out of people with cheap “found footage” is about as stupid as it gets.

The Friedkin Connection

The Friedkin Connection

 The Good, The Bad and The Really Ugly

 by Morgan P Salvo 

I truly thought William Friedkin had a much more illustrious career.  Yet when I look back I find he has his share of some real truly great films and some horrific duds


.

The French Connection
Gene Hackman deserved his Academy Award for his role as Manhattan homicide detective Popeye Doyle who furiously tracks down a heroin ring. Boasts one of the best car chases of all time (for the time) rivaling Steve McQueen’s Bullitt.

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The Exorcist

 The movie that has scared audiences around the world for decades still does today. The tried and true version stays close to the best seller by William Peter Blatty and gave us our first glimpses into demonic possession not to mention a little girl cursing, growing legions on her face, spinning her head around and puking green bile into a priest’s face.

Sorcerer

The most overlooked film in history. This is a remake of the French film Wages of Fear with an international cast headed by Roy Schieder about fugitives from the law driving dynamite across treacherous terrain through South America. This is NOT an evil magician movie as people thought. Sorcerer was named after one of the trucks used to transport the dynamite, but was just too misleading. Containing Schieder’s best performance ever, with a throbbing soundtrack by Tangerine Dream the dazzling filmmaking and editing are mesmerizing while the jaw dropping suspense causes unruly tension. This is one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. It’s in my top ten list movies of all time and the poster hangs on my wall. It is a masterpiece.

 

 

Cruising

Al Pacino stars as a cop who goes undercover in the S&M gay community to catch a serial killer. Very disjointed to say the least and a big hit in Europe. But after viewings over several years it still feels too arty and messed up but the strange ambiguous ending makes sense and is pretty good. Pacino’s performance is also strange and it’s pretty damn funny to see him snort poppers and dance with men at a club.

  

 

 Bug
 This flick put Michael Shannon on the map with one of the greatest performances of all time. Perfectly showcasing the beautifully demented script by Tracy Letts, A well-written psychological mess, this is an elaborate guessing game as to what’s real, imagined and/or manipulated. A flagrant study on the psychosis of loneliness and madness, this is all about paranoia and surreal to the hilt.

The Guardian

I am probably the only person who likes this flick.  This is one of those nanny-gone-wrong flicks with a twist: she’s a druid and wants to sacrifice the child to the tree god/monsters. Lots of slime in this one.

The Boys in the Band

Based on the play of the same name this was one of the first openly gay themed stage performance and flicks of the time. It’s all about a birthday party that reveals dysfunctions and bad attitudes stemming from the intake of way too much alcohol.

Decade Under the Influence

A very cool “must-see” documentary about the anti-establishment flicks of the 70’s. Rebellious and heavily creative, this was a time when producers, directors, writers and actors all went at it with the same integrity. A time long forgotten at this point. Friedkin is one of the most animated and vocal interviewees.

 
To Live and Die in LA

Great cast yet intensely lame and riveting at the same time. A hell-bent Secret Service agent ( CSI’s William Peterson) will stop at nothing to bring down the counterfeiter who killed his partner. A revenge flick that defines the 80’s and plays out like homage to Sam Peckinpah and Grand Theft Auto.

The Hunted

Truly a WTF were they thinking movie, Pitting acting giants Tommy Lee Jones and Benicio Del Toro, one a deep-woods tracker the other a trained assassin, both survivalists duking it out in the wild … ridiculous from start to finish. Filmed in Silver Falls, Oregon.

Jade

Critics hated this detective cheesy axe murderer yarn. I think it has to do with an inherent communal hatred for David Caruso or the teaming with Paul Verhoeven’s screenwriter pal Joe Eszterhas. Great chase scene where an angry Caruso gets stuck in traffic during a Chinatown parade. So bad it’s good.

 













The Birthday Party

Teaming with playwright Harold Pinter they bring to life the big screen version of Pinter’s vision about a lodger in a seaside boarding house who is menaced by two mysterious strangers who berate him by asking idiotic, unanswerable questions and then throw him a party. Thanks to Robert Shaw, Patrick Magee and Danny Nichols for they absolutely rule.